All Their Unspoken Goodbyes

"Mr. Reed, your request for euthanasia has been approved. The procedure is scheduled for next month. Please sign here to confirm." The staff member handed Ryan Reed a thick stack of papers. His fingers trembled over the page. After a few seconds, he slowly signed, his name scrawled as if it had taken all his strength. Chapter 1 He was thin and pale, his skin tinged yellow, as if a gust could blow him away. Cancer was slowly draining the life out of him. He'd chosen euthanasia to avoid a painful death. His phone chimed as he stepped outside. A text from Avery Carter. [Brookfield High. Bring condoms.] Ryan bought the condoms and headed to Brookfield High. A Rolls-Royce stood out by the school gates. The car rocked. Faint moans and low grunts drifted out. Each sound cut into him. His nails dug into his palms, but he felt nothing. He crushed the box, then slowly smoothed it out and handed it to the slender hand reaching through the rear window. As usual, he stayed, sliding into the front passenger seat. The rearview mirror showed everything. Avery's back was to him, her skirt hanging down as the man pinned her beneath him, thrusting wildly. "Ah... Ms. Carter... you feel so good..." Avery gave a cold, sultry laugh. "Less talking. Focus." She moved harder. The car rocked enough to shake Ryan in the front seat. He kept watching, as if trying to hurt himself. At last, the man grunted. Avery pulled away, fixed her clothes, and sat back, lowering the window. Cold air swept in, clearing the smell of sex. She lit a slim cigarette, smoke blurring her face. The man finally noticed Ryan. "Whoa!" He pulled Avery close. "Ms. Carter, why's the help in here? Tell him to get out!" Avery glanced at Ryan. "The help? He's my first love. The love of my life. The one who got away." She raised her cigarette hand. "See this? I crashed my car because of him. Permanent damage. I'll never drive again." She sounded like she was telling someone else's story. Ryan's chest tightened until he could barely breathe. The man froze, then laughed. "You're kidding, right? If you love him so much, why make him watch us? "Besides, you'd never wreck your hand over some guy. You couldn't love anyone that much." Ryan looked at the bloody nail marks in his palms and gave a bitter smile. 'Yeah, who'd believe it? But it's true.' Years ago, Avery Carter, a wealthy Crestview heiress, had fallen for a broke guy like him. She'd given up her inheritance, moved into a tiny rental, and shared whatever cheap food they could afford. She'd worked herself to the bone building a business for their future. Then came the crash. Her father, Gerard Carter, had slapped Ryan, snapping him out of it. "How much more will you put my daughter through? She's gifted. We gave her every advantage, spent a fortune preparing her to run the family business. "For you, she swallowed her pride and begged for business. She drank at client dinners until her stomach bled just to pay for your engagement rings. "Now she's crashed her car protecting you and nearly lost the use of her hand. I'm begging you. Let her go!" That night, Ryan stood on the rooftop until dawn and decided to leave. When Avery recovered and proposed, he threw the roses down and sneered. "Get real, Avery. You gave up your inheritance. Your business failed. Your hand's ruined. You're useless. You have nothing. Why should I waste my best years on you?" He walked away. Stunned, she begged him to stay, but he never looked back. He vanished for five years. All Avery had left for him was hate. They'd met again two years ago. Avery was back on top as Carter Group's CEO. Ryan was a male escort at a bar, someone anyone could push around. She'd forced him to stay by her side and watch her sleep with man after man. This one was number one hundred. In the back seat, Avery filled out a check with a string of zeros and tore it free. "Take this to my assistant. I don't want to see you again." He knew the deal. No matter how good-looking a guy was, she slept with him once, then dumped him. But she paid too well to let go. He hooked his finger around hers. "Ms. Carter..." he murmured. Her face hardened. "Take the money and get lost. Or stay and see what happens." He went pale, yanked on his clothes, and scrambled out. Avery got out and handed Ryan a tablet. "Pick the next one." She always made him choose. It hurt more that way. His heart felt shredded, but he kept his voice steady. "Can I skip this one?" He wanted to say, 'Please, can we stop? I have cancer. I'm dying. My death will give you all the revenge you want.' She stared at him with a faint sneer. "Skip it? Did you give me a choice back then?" Ryan opened his mouth. Nothing came out. Avery hurled the tablet at him. Her smile was cold. "So you can hurt too, Ryan? You're cruel. So am I. Let's make each other miserable forever and go to hell together." The Rolls-Royce sped off. Ryan stood in the rain, tears streaming down his face. He tipped his head back, letting the rain wash over him, and whispered, "No, Avery. You have to live a long, happy life. This time, I'll go to hell alone." Chapter 2 Avery stayed away from the mansion for days. Ryan was relieved. Since his diagnosis, he'd fought cancer every day. But the meds and rounds of chemo hadn't stopped him from coughing up blood or losing his hair in clumps. His whole body ached, as if his bones were slowly breaking. Even sleeping pills couldn't help him sleep. On another painful night, Ryan numbly rinsed the blood from the sink. The running water couldn't drown out his ragged breaths. He shut off the faucet and dragged himself toward the bedroom. A news report came on the living room TV. "Carter Group CEO Avery Carter and Dylan Blake, the Blake family's oldest son, have announced their engagement. The wedding is next month..." Ryan stopped and turned. Onscreen, Avery wore a sleek black evening gown. The man beside her smiled smugly. Ryan's eyes widened. His heart clenched. The reporter didn't hold back. "Ms. Carter, you once said you'd always have a new man on your arm. Why settle down with Dylan Blake?" Warmth softened Avery's usually cool gaze. "Years ago, someone donated a kidney to save my life. I've been looking for him ever since, ready to give him anything he wanted. I only recently found out it was Dylan." Ryan's breath caught. He clutched his chest, trying to ease the pain. 'No... That's not what happened...' After being forced to leave Avery, he'd moved abroad. She'd followed, refusing to let him go. Then a car crash ruptured her kidney. He'd rushed back and anonymously donated one of his. Now someone else was taking credit. He wanted to tell her, but his throat closed up. 'I'm dying. What would telling her change? 'It would only hurt her more.' The front door swung open. The couple from the news walked in. Dylan took one look at Ryan and yelped. "Oh my God! A ghost!" Ryan was paper-white and thin enough for a gust to knock him over. Under the bright lights, his skin looked almost see-through over his bones. Avery frowned, giving him a cold once-over before patting Dylan's arm. "Relax. He's not a ghost." Dylan calmed down. "Then who is he?" "The help," Avery said flatly. Ryan's heart sank. His nails dug into his palms. 'She forced me back, but she won't touch me or call me her boyfriend. I just watch her sleep with other men and clean up after them. What else am I but the help?' Dylan gave him a knowing look and sneered. "Well? Why aren't you making dinner?" Ryan bowed his head and silently headed for the kitchen. Avery watched him go, her eyes dark, her face unreadable. Ryan struggled to lift the pot and pour the soup into a serving bowl. His fingers shook around the handle. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead. The kitchen door opened. "Let me help." Dylan's tone chilled him. Ryan dodged his hand. "I've got it. It's smoky in here. You should wait outside." Dylan stepped closer. "I know who you are, Ryan Reed. The first love Avery never got over. "You're a weird one. You dumped her when she was broke, then secretly gave her a kidney. "You know I took credit, but you kept quiet. What are you hiding?" Ryan ignored him. "Mr. Blake, dinner's almost ready. Please wait outside." He ushered Dylan toward the door. Dylan suddenly turned and swept the soup bowl off the island. Crash! The bowl shattered, splashing scalding soup onto his legs. "Ah!" Dylan cried, dropping to the floor. Chapter 3 Avery rushed into the kitchen. Dylan was on the floor, his legs red with burns. Ryan stood beside him, pale and helpless. Her face darkened as she helped Dylan up. "What happened?" Dylan looked up at her, his eyes full of hurt and tears. "Avery, your servant was stealing from you. I tried to stop him, but he..." He didn't need to finish. Ryan tried to explain, but Avery shoved him to the floor. His head struck a cabinet corner. His hand landed on the shards, and blood poured out. "Ryan Reed, is money all you care about? You left me for it, and now you're stealing from me!" Her voice was cold, her eyes full of disgust. His throat tightened. He couldn't speak. Avery led Dylan out without looking back. Ryan curled up on the floor, tears slipping down his face. She used to find him in any crowd. The smallest cut on him broke her heart. Now she only had eyes for Dylan. 'Maybe it's better this way... At least she won't be too sad when I die.' Getting away with it emboldened Dylan. He stayed at the Carter estate for the next few days, ordering Ryan to fetch drinks and do his laundry. Ryan knew how much Dylan meant to Avery, so he put up with it. Dylan found a new way to entertain himself. He dragged Ryan to the mall to pick out shirts. "What can I say? Avery can't keep her hands off me. She's already ripped a few..." Ryan's heart twisted, but he acted like he didn't care. Dylan picked a few shirts and entered a fitting room. Ryan reached to close the curtain, but Dylan grabbed his wrist. "Where are you going? You couldn't stop staring at these." He sneered. "Want to try them on? Here's your chance." Ryan tried to refuse, but Dylan tugged at his clothes. Cornered, Ryan started changing. The curtain flew open. Everyone in the store turned. Ryan's heart sank. He grabbed his jacket to cover up, but Dylan dragged him shirtless into the mall. "Why cover up? With a body like that, let everyone enjoy the view!" Ryan struggled, but Dylan held tight. Thud! Dylan slammed him to the floor. A crowd gathered, their stares making Ryan burn with shame. He scrambled to cover himself. They only stared harder. Some started commenting. "You're showing off that body?" "God, you're scrawny." Dylan smirked. "Go ahead. Enjoy the view." The crowd openly leered at Ryan. He fought to get back into the store and dress, but Dylan held him in place. He couldn't escape their cruel remarks. A sharp voice cut through the crowd. "What are you doing?" Everyone fell silent and stepped aside. Avery stood at the end of the hall, staring in disbelief. Dylan's cruel look vanished. He hurried over. "Avery, your servant must be desperate for cash. I offered him a shirt, but he wanted money. Said any guy could look or touch if he paid." Avery's face darkened, anger and hurt flashing in her eyes. Her glare cut deeper than Ryan could bear. She flung her jacket at him. "Ryan," she said through clenched teeth, "how can you be so cheap?" Chapter 4 Ryan froze, then slowly pulled the jacket around him and buried his face in it. His tears soaked the fabric. His heart felt torn apart. He lost track of how long he crouched there. Avery and Dylan were long gone when he finally struggled up, put on the jacket, and headed out. The fire alarm blared. People rushed for the emergency exits. Panicked, Ryan pushed into the crowd despite his weakness. He stumbled, but people kept shoving from behind. "You're blocking the way! Move!" One shove knocked him down. Feet trampled him, pain tearing through his body. Ryan curled up, shielding his head. Footsteps and screams filled his ears. His eyelids drooped, his vision blurring. Tears streaked his dusty cheeks. Just before he blacked out, a familiar voice called from far away. "Ryan!" He lifted his head. Someone was racing toward him, frantic, her eyes full of fear and concern. Avery! *** An argument woke Ryan. He opened his eyes in a hospital bed. Through the half-open door, Avery and Dylan were arguing. "You said he was just the help!" Dylan snapped. "Why run into a fire for him? Who is he really?" Avery rubbed her forehead, then hugged him. "He's just the help. You're overthinking it. I'll stay out of his business from now on, okay?" "Then prove it! Prove he means nothing to you!" Avery paused, then pushed the door open and walked in. Her cold gaze settled on Ryan, full of feelings he couldn't read. Ryan met her eyes. His empty stare made Avery look away. Then she thought of Dylan waiting outside, hurt and angry, and turned back. "You've always loved money, right? I've got plenty." She flung a stack of bills in his face. "A thousand dollars a bottle. Finish them all, and you get a hundred grand." Ryan's heart lurched. She knew he was allergic to alcohol. He trembled, biting his lip until he tasted blood. Finally, he looked up and barely whispered, "I'll drink." Avery's assistant, Nora Gamsey, wheeled in cart after cart of liquor. Ryan numbly drank one bottle after another. The liquor burned his throat and stomach, bringing back a memory. Once, Avery had drunk until her stomach bled. Worried, he'd claimed he could handle his liquor and offered to take over. His allergy had landed him in the hospital. She'd stayed beside him for three days and nights, sick with worry. After that, she'd never let him touch another drop. 'But now...' His heart twisted. By the tenth bottle, he couldn't keep it down. He threw up liquor and a pool of blood. A doctor walked in on his rounds and shouted, "Are you out of your mind? You're dying of cancer, and you're drinking?" Avery's voice shook. "Who did you say has cancer?!" Chapter 5 Now Ryan panicked. He'd never thought the secret he'd fought to keep would come out like this. He tried to explain, but blood poured from his mouth. "Ryan!" Avery's frantic face was the last thing he saw before everything went black. Outside the OR, Avery stared at her blood-covered hands in fear. She hadn't known anyone could cough up that much blood. Ryan had been in surgery all night. Dread tightened around her chest until she could barely breathe. She jumped up and hurried to the OR, but froze with her hand on the door. She imagined the doctors fighting to save him. She couldn't bear to watch. Her hand trembled. She was too scared to push. Avery stood frozen for a long time before opening the door. Inside, Ryan sat smiling across from his doctor, color back in his cheeks. He held the stack of cash she'd thrown at him. Relief flooded her. 'Thank God he's okay.' She was about to ask what was going on when Ryan handed the doctor the money. "Dr. Pattison, thanks for playing along. "She bought it. Next time, make it sound even worse. Maybe she'll pay more. We can split it." Dr. Pattison grinned, taking the cash. "Sure. No problem." Avery froze, anger welling up. She rushed over, snatched the rest of the money off the desk, and flung it in Ryan's face. "You lied to me again! Do you need money that badly?" Her rage made his heart ache. He said nothing, letting her believe it. Bang! Ryan flinched as the door slammed. He buckled, coughing up blood. Dr. Pattison caught him and gave him his medicine. "Why do this to yourself?" he asked. "Why not tell her?" Ryan shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I'm dying. She has to keep living." Better to let her hate him. Then she wouldn't grieve. 'I'm dying. Nothing can change that. 'But you have a life ahead of you, Avery. You still have to get married, succeed, and live a long, peaceful life.' Chapter 6 After his "scam" came out, Avery shut Ryan out. She stopped taking him anywhere or speaking to him. Her silence cut him over and over. Dylan was thrilled. He stopped hiding his cruelty. The first day, he made Ryan collect tiny pearls scattered across the lawn in the blazing sun. Ryan picked them up one by one, sweat soaking his clothes as his vision dimmed. He found the last pearl just before collapsing from heatstroke. The second day, Dylan ordered him to scrub every floor in the mansion, down to the cracks. Ryan scrubbed on his knees all night. His hands turned pale and wrinkled, his back aching. By morning, the floors were spotless. On the third day, Dylan wanted pastries from North Crestview. Ryan ran there from South Crestview without a word. When he returned, Dylan sneered. "They're cold. Get fresh ones." Ryan went back. This time, rain poured down. He wrapped his jacket around the box to keep it dry and raced toward the Carter estate, soaked through. As he crossed the street, an out-of-control car barreled toward him. Bang! Ryan flew through the air and slammed onto the pavement. His mind fogged. Screeching brakes, shouts, police sirens... It all faded. Just when he thought he was dying, a frantic voice broke through. "Hey! Are you okay? I'll get you to a hospital!" The driver shook him hard. Ryan slowly came to and checked the pastries. They were fine. He staggered to his feet. "No... I'm okay. I have somewhere to be." He pushed the driver's hand away and ran toward the Carter estate, covered in blood. Ryan fought through the pain and held out the pastries. Dylan eyed his battered, bloody body in disgust. He ignored the box and pointed to the pool. "Good, you're back. I lost a cuff link. Find it." Ryan trembled. He'd just been hit by a car. Everything hurt. He might not survive the pool. Dylan's face darkened when he didn't move. He tugged Avery's hand. "Avery..." he whined. She waved the bodyguards over without looking at Ryan. They dragged him toward the pool. The box slipped from his hands, scattering pastries across the ground. Splash! Cold water swallowed him, flooding his mouth, nose, and ears. He couldn't breathe. He fought to the surface, but each time he broke through, a bodyguard shoved him under. "Ms. Carter says you're staying in until you find the cuff link." The words hit Ryan hard. His lungs burned, but he gritted his teeth and kept diving. Minutes passed. With his strength nearly gone, he finally found it. He struggled out of the pool and handed the cuff link to a bodyguard. Then he went limp and blacked out. Chapter 7 Pain woke Ryan in his room in the servants' quarters. He reached for his phone, but his hand felt too heavy to lift. His head was foggy, his throat raw. Every swallow felt like knives. He couldn't tell if it was the crash or the cancer. Pain shot through him. He curled up, teeth clenched, but couldn't stop moaning. He dragged himself out of bed and searched the drawer for his medicine. As he pulled it out, blood rose in his throat. He coughed up a mouthful, spilling the pills across the floor. He clutched his chest as pain tore through him. His phone rang beside him. Dazed, he answered. Avery's breathing came through the line. For a moment, he forgot where he was. He cried to her like he used to when he was sick and they were in love. "Avery... it hurts... It hurts so much... I think I'm dying..." After a long silence, she spoke coldly. "Ryan, you've already tried this scam. Enough." Her words jolted him back. He stared at her name on the screen, realizing what he'd done. He struggled to hide his pain and forced a faint smile. "Guess you're not buying it anymore. You really don't love me now." 'Good. She doesn't love me anymore. 'It's better this way.' *** Avery stayed away for days. Ryan lay curled in the cold room like an abandoned dog, all skin and bones, barely breathing. His yellowish skin looked almost see-through. Dried blood stained the corners of his mouth. His eyes were lifeless. He only saw Avery in Dylan's posts. Every photo cut deep. She'd taken Dylan to her and Ryan's favorite dessert spot, feeding him cake with the same tender look she'd once given Ryan. They'd watched a meteor shower. Wrapped in her coat, she nestled in Dylan's arms as he smiled and stroked her hair. But the Ferris wheel photo hurt the most. Avery used to say couples who kissed at the top would stay together forever. Now she was kissing Dylan up there, both gazing at each other with love. Ryan scrolled through the photos over and over, his hands shaking around his phone. Tears blurred Avery's face on the screen. Dylan came back that day. He pushed Ryan's door open and sneered down at his skeletal frame. "I know you've been checking my posts, Ryan. See how much Avery loves me?" Ryan said nothing, gripping the blanket tighter. Dylan sneered. "We go on dates. We sleep together. We do everything couples do, but she still won't talk about marriage. "I couldn't figure out why. Today, I finally did." Resentment flashed in his eyes. He yanked Ryan out of bed and dragged him outside despite his struggles. Ryan couldn't stand. Dylan dragged him like a rag doll and threw him into a dim room. Click! Bright lights came on. Ryan shielded his eyes. As they adjusted, he lowered his hand and stared, speechless. Chapter 8 Old photos of Ryan and Avery covered every wall. The journals, love letters, gifts—everything he thought she'd burned had been carefully kept. His heart lurched, emotions threatening to swallow him. 'She hates me. Why keep all this?' He was afraid to guess. What if she still hoped they had a future? He couldn't bear the weight of her love anymore. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, his voice rough and tired. Dylan brushed his fingers over the faded photos and laughed softly. "After everything you've done, she still loves you. But no guy wants his fiancée in love with someone else." His tone stayed light. "So, can you make her give up on you for good?" Ryan gripped his shirt hem, knuckles white. Pale as paper, he stared blankly at the photos. After a long silence, his voice sounded distant even to him. "Okay. Tell her to come home three nights from now." *** Three nights later, rain fell. A black Maybach glided to a stop outside the mansion. Avery opened her umbrella, climbed the steps, and went inside. The house was dark, quiet enough to hear her heartbeat. Since Ryan's lie, she'd avoided coming home. His face reminded her how foolish she'd been to love him. She'd only returned because Dylan said he needed her. But no one was around. Figuring he was asleep, she headed upstairs. A faint moan drifted down. Avery froze. She knew that sound. Through a half-open door upstairs, two bodies moved together. The sounds grew louder as she approached. "That feels so good... Harder... Harder..." "You tease. Can't get enough, huh?" Each word hit her like a slap. She stormed over and kicked the door open. The pair sprang apart. The woman scrambled out the window and fled. Ryan yanked the covers over himself, but Avery had already seen the fresh hickeys on his skin. Avery closed her eyes, holding back anger and grief. When she spoke, her voice was calm. "Why?" 'Ryan, why would you do this?' Ryan huddled under the covers, his trembling fingers barely gripping them. He forced a smirk. "Why else? You're marrying someone else. I need someone new to pay my bills." Crash! Avery snapped. Chairs, vases, picture frames. She smashed everything she could grab. Before Ryan could react, she hauled him up and dragged him out of the mansion. Thunder cracked as rain poured down. Avery stood on the steps, staring coldly at Ryan on the ground. Every word was clear. "Ryan, get out of my life. I never want to see you again!" Her words shattered his heart. Bang! The front door slammed, cutting her from view. Ryan closed his eyes and sobbed. Eventually, he numbly got up and walked away. His ringing phone broke through his daze. "Mr. Reed, your euthanasia procedure is in three days. Please be ready." He opened his mouth, but it took a long moment to answer. "Okay." 'In three days, Ryan Reed will no longer exist.' Chapter 9 Three days before his scheduled death, Ryan closed his accounts and settled his affairs. Tears slid down his cheeks as he signed the last form. It felt like erasing the last traces of his life. Two days before his death, he returned alone to their high school. His hand, marked by IVs, brushed the trees along the shaded path, the basketball hoops, the classroom desks and chairs. He could almost see Avery at seventeen, shy again. He'd raced down that path with her on his back, lifted her by the waist to shoot baskets, and cornered her between desks to kiss her. He could almost hear her whispering in his ear, telling him over and over how much she liked him. The day before his death, Ryan visited his parents' graves one last time. He forced a faint smile at their photo, their smiling faces close together. "Mom, Dad, just a little longer. I'll be with you soon." The setting sun stretched his lonely shadow behind him. At the bottom of the steps, he spotted a couple in the distance, leaning against each other with their backs to him. They'd only been apart three days, but pain had already blurred Avery's face in his mind. He stared, trying to memorize every detail. Avery had brought Dylan to visit her parents' graves. She noticed Ryan, glanced at him like a stranger, and turned away. His heart ached. He couldn't stay. As he turned to leave, Dylan called out. "Ryan!" Ryan stopped and looked back. Dylan held out a bright red wedding invitation. [Groom: Dylan Blake.] [Bride: Avery Carter.] Their names looked right together. Ryan's eyes stung. Avery had once promised to put his name first on their invitations. Because he'd always be her first choice. Dylan's smug voice broke in. "Avery was just angry when she kicked you out. Who'd want the help sneaking a woman into her house for a hookup? "I talked her around. You worked for her for years, after all. We're getting married tomorrow. We hope you'll come." 'Getting married?' Ryan's lips twitched. 'Don't think I can make it.' He took the invitation without a word and left. On his way to the hospital, he passed the apartment they'd once rented. Warm light filled the once-empty rooms. Two shadows fell across the curtains, cozy together. An elderly voice broke his daze. "Ryan? It's been years! How are you and your girlfriend? Married yet?" His old landlord stood smiling at him. Ryan smiled back. "We're good. The wedding's soon." 'But I'm not the groom.' *** The day Ryan died, Crestview's skies were clear and sunny for once. He lay in a recliner as the medication entered his body. His thoughts slowly blurred. Just before he blacked out, his phone lit up. A message appeared beneath the plain black profile picture he hadn't seen in so long. [I'm getting married today. When are you coming?] He tried to reach for the phone and answer. But the medication pulled him into darkness. He fought it with everything he had. His eyes closed for the last time. A tear slipped down his cheek. "I'm not coming, Avery. You'll never... have to see me again."