My Marriage Runs on His Approval Process

Nathan Ritter is a stickler for process-driven management. For the past three years we've been married, everything I do must go through an official approval process, as if I were an employee at his company. If I want him to come home for dinner, I have to submit a request three days in advance. If I need money for living expenses, I have to submit a justification five days in advance. Only when I visit his office do I see his young secretary, Miranda Hooper, folding my application reports into paper airplanes. "Mr. Ritter, this is the 99th request from your wife asking you to spend time with her. Why haven't you approved it yet?" Nathan's expression is as cold and detached as his eyes. He says, "I'm too busy lately. Just set it aside for now." Miranda giggles, playfully pinching his pectoral muscles. She asks, "What about me, then? I want your company too. Do I have to go through the 'process' as well?" Nathan pinches her cheek with doting affection. "Really, when have you ever needed to go through a process? Don't you know that I've already offended a whole bunch of business partners just to keep you company? So, how are you going to make it up to me?" I stand frozen in place, biting my lower lip until it bleeds. So, this "approval process" is meant only for me after all. I look down at my swollen, pregnant belly, and realize that there's nothing that I can do other than to swallow this bitter pill of this wretched marriage. Then, in the middle of the night, my water breaks, soaking the sheets and the floor. I'm going into labor. In a panic, I call Nathan, begging him to take me to the hospital. However, I hear him flipping through his calendar, his tone as cold and bureaucratic as ever. "It's not your due date yet. I'm not approving any time off for this. Submit a formal request now, and when the day actually arrives, I'll set aside exactly 60 minutes to be with you." The pain in my belly feels like it's crushing me to pieces. Hot tears stream from the corners of my eyes as I struggle to hold the pain in. I'm thoroughly exhausted, and my heart has gone completely cold. This marriage, reduced to nothing more than a series of bureaucratic procedures, is finally coming to an end. Chapter 1 After being rushed to the hospital by ambulance, I endured labor pains for a full day and night. The sheets on the delivery bed grew damp, then dried out again. Finally, I heard the doctor exclaim, "The baby's here! Time of birth, 8:57 am. Seven pounds, six ounces. And… She's a girl." As sweat trickled down my forehead, I managed a relieved smile. "Nathan said… He said he wanted a daughter." An eerie silence fell over the room. The doctor and nurses exchanged uneasy glances, and a sudden, instinctive panic gripped me. "Why… Why isn't she crying?" The doctor pressed her lips together and placed the baby in my arms. "She's no longer breathing. I'm sorry. You should hold her." Though the labor pains had subsided, my body began to tremble uncontrollably. The baby was tiny and perfectly still, as if she were merely asleep in my arms. The doctor's breath hitched, her voice tinged with deep regret. "She's just as beautiful as you are. Perhaps you should ask the father to come and take a look?" I tightened my hold on the baby and dialed Nathan Ritter's number. But by the second ring, the line was locked. Nathan always allowed me only one chance to reach him each week, not wanting me to disturb him otherwise. Whether he answered or not, the line would automatically lock after a single attempt. I looked at the baby, whose features bore a striking resemblance to Nathan's, and my fingertips turned white from how hard I was trembling. My child never even got to see her father's face. I tapped into Miranda Hooper's social media, and a post she had just shared on her social feed popped up. The photo showed her leaning in very close to Nathan. As it turned out, the man who had told me yesterday he was "tied up with official approval processes" had spent the entire day gallivanting around trendy, popular café spots with Miranda, his personal secretary. I was completely frozen. A chill settled over me, as if my eyelashes had frosted over. The doctor asked, with great caution, "Ms. Winters, the baby's father—" I switched off my phone. "There's no need to wait for him. He won't be coming." That night, I held my cold, lifeless baby and slept through until the next morning. At dawn the next day, I returned home to retrieve the documents needed to handle the rest of the proper hospital procedures. But as I pushed open the door, I saw Miranda dressed in a red spaghetti-strap slip dress, standing on tiptoe to tie Nathan's necktie. Nathan's expression remained calm even as he heard me entering through the front door. "So, you've finally decided to come back, Anastasia Winters?" Miranda blushed and looked at me shyly. "Oh, you're back! Mr. Ritter stepped in to drink for me at a business event last night, and since no one else was home, I stayed the night to look after him. "My clothes also happened to get dirty, so I just grabbed something from your pile of clothes to wear. I hope you don't mind." I felt as if my heart were bleeding seeing them in such an intimate pose. That slip dress was what I wore on my wedding night. It had long been tucked away at the bottom of a trunk, so there was no way she could have just… Could it really be such a coincidence? I touched my empty abdomen. A little life once grew there. But now, it was just a cold, chilling emptiness. "So, you two slept together last night. Is that it?" I said flatly. At these words, Nathan immediately stepped in front of Miranda, shielding her. "Mimi has already explained that she was just taking care of me, Anastasia. You were the one who stormed off in a huff these past two days, using our child as leverage. Have you finally come to your senses now that you're back?" I swayed on my feet, barely managing to steady myself. "What exactly am I supposed to have 'come to my senses' about?" I retorted. Nathan frowned, his tone like that of someone chiding an unruly kid. "You need to understand that even company employees have to follow proper procedures. As my wife, you should be setting an example for them." Just then, Miranda pointed at me. "Mrs. Ritter! Did you go off and give birth on your own just to make a point? You shouldn't be so reckless even if you wanted Mr. Ritter's company! How could you not have said a word to him about something so important?" My fingernails dug into my own skin, drawing blood. Was I the one who purposely withheld the information from him? He was the one too busy drinking for her and not answering my call! "You gave birth?" Only then did Nathan seem to notice. He tossed a blanket toward me and immediately began scolding me even more. "Why the hell are you running around after having just given birth? If you end up with postpartum health issues later, don't come crying to me demanding I take care of you." As he spoke, he reached out to hug me, but my stomach churned with bile, and I felt nothing but an intense, visceral revulsion. So, for the first time ever, I stepped aside and avoided his touch. Chapter 2 Nathan's expression darkened instantly the moment he realized I'd avoided him. "I'll let this slide since you've just given birth, Anastasia, but there's a limit to these temper tantrums." He glanced at the time, his tone softening slightly. "Tell you what—submit the formal application now, and I'll set aside an hour for you tomorrow." I curled my lip, turned, and started to walk away. "Don't even bother." Nathan reached out and grabbed me, his tone dark and threatening. "Stop acting out, Anastasia. The standard procedure takes seven days. I've already expedited it for the sake of the child. What more do you want?" His palm was burning hot, yet a chill ran through my entire body. I raised my voice, making sure he heard every word. "Did you even know that the baby was stillborn?" A ripple finally stirred across his composed face, followed by a scoff. "A stillborn? I can't believe you're actually stooping to cursing your own child just to get what you want. Too bad that trick doesn't work on me." I found the whole thing utterly absurd. I pulled out the death certificate right before his eyes, showing it to him. He froze in place for a brief moment. Miranda then tugged cautiously at his sleeve and said, "Mr. Ritter, I've heard that if a pregnant woman eats something wrong or gets too emotional, it's easy for the baby to… Could it be that… Mrs. Ritter was just doing this on purpose to make you feel guilty?" At these words, Nathan's brows shot up, and he fixed me with a warning glare. "Anastasia! Even a savage beast wouldn't harm its own offspring. But you'd go that far just to satisfy your own jealousy?" I looked at him and suddenly burst into laughter. He actually believed I would lie to him about something like the life and death of my own child. Exhaustion washed over me, and I didn't bother to argue any further. "If that's what you say, then so be it." "Shut up," Nathan said, his voice turning cold. "You always resort to this kind of act the moment you're exposed! I'll go with you to pick her up tomorrow. Don't you dare act so stupid and reckless again next time." He cast a fleeting, indifferent glance my way and walked off without looking back. Miranda followed close behind before she suddenly turned and made a face at me. "Aw, Mrs. Ritter, there's no 'authorization' needed this time! Lucky you!" My heart felt as though it had been seared through, leaving gaping, bleeding holes in its wake. But my child truly needed to come home, so I could only wait. … The next day, I waited at home all day, but Nathan never returned. When I arrived at his company, I was barred from entering because I lacked the "visitation permit" he now required. I had forgotten that just a few days earlier, Nathan had decreed that even visiting his office required going through an official process, claiming I would otherwise interfere with his work. The scorching sun made me sway on my feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Miranda sauntering toward the elevators. Suddenly, she turned back and flashed me a brilliant smile. A foreboding sense of dread washed over me. At the hospital, the doctor informed me that someone had already collected my child's ashes. When she described that person, I immediately knew it was Miranda. At that moment, I threw all caution to the wind and risked my very life to barge into Nathan's office. I stared fixedly at Miranda and demanded, "Did you go to the hospital and take my child's ashes?" Before the words had even left my lips, Nathan pulled her behind him, shielding her. "I was the one who sent her. Mimi mentioned that you were emotionally unstable, so she took care of it for you to prevent you from doing anything extreme involving the child." My throat felt as if it were filled with blood. "Then… Where is she now?" Miranda giggled, feigning innocence as she reached out to take my hand. "Oh, Mrs. Ritter, I read online that ashes make the best fertilizer, so I scattered them under the big tree in your garden. Now, the child can stay with you forever. But don't worry, Mrs. Ritter, I just helped the child find a wonderful final resting place." My blood literally ran in reverse as veins bulged across my entire body. "So… You just went ahead and…" Miranda cast a pitiful, aggrieved glance at Nathan. She said, "But Mr. Ritter was the one who told me to handle it. I've been making the decisions myself for all these years, so I didn't think to ask any questions this time." I let out a bitter, hollow laugh as tears spilled down my cheeks. Of course she was right. She had special privileges I never had. Not only could she see him whenever she pleased—she could also make decisions on her own, on my behalf. She was nothing like me, who had to submit a formal list for approval just to buy clothes for my unborn child back then. I raised my hand, intending to strike her, but Nathan caught it with lightning speed. He shoved me away violently and yelled, "That's enough, Anastasia. I was the one who sent her. "Mimi is still young. She just got carried away by things she read online. It's not exactly a grave mistake that she made anyway." A metallic, coppery taste surged up my throat, but I forced it back down. I stumbled to my feet and said, "So, my child doesn't even deserve a place to stay?" I turned to bolt, but Nathan grabbed me firmly. "Where do you think you're going now?" "I'm going to gather up my child's ashes and put her back together somewhere." "That's enough of your stupid nonsense, Anastasia!" he growled, suddenly gripping my face and forcing my chin upward. "Is playing the madwoman the only thing you're capable of now? "Look at you. You're not even acting like how a proper 'Mrs. Ritter' should be right now!" Chapter 3 "Mrs. Ritter" used to be a title I once longed to hear. But now, it cut into me like a jagged blade. I stood frozen for a long, agonizing moment. Yet, I still pushed him away and went to the spot under the tree at home, crouching down and curling my body inward as I gathered the fragments in agony, piece by piece. But I couldn't even tell which bits of dirt was my child anymore. In the end, I sought refuge in a temple. I held a memorial service for her there and bought her toys to soothe my emotions. When I returned home, a high fever took hold of me. Nathan made a rare appearance and brushed his hand against my forehead. "How did you let yourself get into such a state?" I summoned all my remaining strength to push him away. He didn't press further, retreating back into his usual, icy detachment. "Go back to work tomorrow. "I—The company needs you." Back then, I had immersed myself in the dense, complex world of business just to be by his side. I earned a position as his secretary with my own competence, but everything changed after Miranda arrived. This time, I had no desire to return. I didn't want to anymore. But the very next day, he sent someone to bring me to the office against my will. Whispers swirled around me, but I lacked the energy to respond. During the morning meeting, news broke that the company's bid proposal had been leaked. Nathan flew into a towering rage and yelled, "Who was responsible for this section?" After a long silence, someone spoke up. "It… It seems to have been Ms. Hooper…" Miranda let out a soft, choked sob and pointed a trembling finger at me. "It was her! She's been desperate to make a comeback, so she stole the bid proposal and leaked it using my account! Mr. Ritter, please, you have to believe me!" With so many eyes fixed upon me, I instinctively looked up to deny the accusation. "I didn't do it!" "Enough! Anastasia, you are suspended pending an investigation, and your salary will be cut. Meeting adjourned." As the room cleared, Nathan gently handed Miranda a tissue. "There, there, don't cry anymore. It's not your fault." I lowered my gaze, my fingernails digging in so hard they nearly split. In a daze, my mind drifted back to the past. I had been suffering from low blood sugar at the time, and a mistake appeared in the presentation deck during a meeting. Nathan had then hurled a pen straight at my forehead without another word. "Anastasia Winters! How could you mess up something so simple? You should go to the hospital and get your brain checked." I tried to explain myself, over and over again. Eventually, he grew impatient and hollered, "If you have an objection, file a formal request through the proper channels." I wrote a thousand-word explanation, but I never heard back. Later, I saw it again on Miranda's desk, used as a placemat for her lunch. "Forget the suspension. I'm resigning." I then opened the door and walked out. Nathan moved faster, grabbing me and pulling me around the corner into his office. "There you go again, Anastasia. I know you felt wronged today, but Mimi is young and easily embarrassed. She can't handle being treated this way. "Give it a couple of days. I'll find an excuse to get you reinstated, alright?" My eyelids burned with tears, but I stepped back and kept my expression neutral. He seemed to have forgotten that back when he stood there, berating and tearing me apart, I was only 21 years old too, fresh out of college. A heavy, suffocating ache tightened in my chest. I left his office and leaned against the wall, trying to recollect myself. Nearby, the laughter of my colleagues grew louder. "She's just his wife on paper and nothing else. What even is the point of fighting back anymore?" "And now that the child is gone, she's lost her only leverage. Mr. Ritter has even less use for her." "Exactly. Imagine having to go through a formal approval process just to get your husband to accompany you to a prenatal checkup. What a sick joke! Ms. Hooper never has to deal with that kind of nonsense." They were right. Whenever I wanted Nathan to be more involved in the prenatal checkups, he always told me to "follow the proper channels" and promised to approve it "when he had the time". He ended up never approving a single request from the start of my prenatal registration to all the detailed ultrasound sessions later on. The day I returned home after my ultrasound, I saw a post on Miranda's social media. It was literally ridiculous. As it turned out, Nathan had been busy taking Miranda's dog to get its vaccinations that very same day. And as for those "formal approval channels", not only was Miranda exempt from them, but even her dog had more privileges than I did. I wiped my tears away and tossed everything from my desk into the trash bin. Nathan appeared out of nowhere and pulled me toward the stairwell once again. "I already told you that I'd take care of things, Anastasia. Why are you making such a scene?" "I'm not." "Then what's with this temper?" I looked up, my eyes and expression heavy with exhaustion. "Let's get a divorce." The mug in Miranda's hand clattered to the floor. She ran toward me, weeping and crying, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Ritter. I was just too terrified just now! Please, don't let me come between you and Mr. Ritter!" "A divorce?" For a fleeting moment, Nathan tensed up, but moments later he let out a cold, derisive laugh. "You want a divorce? Do you think your mother would ever agree to that? Her illness is getting worse every day, and her greatest wish is simply to see us happy." Just as he finished speaking, a message from Mom popped up on my phone. "Ana, is Nathan busy tomorrow? Would you two like to come over for lunch?" Chapter 4 Nathan took the phone away from me when he saw the message. He immediately sent a voice note, saying, "I'm not busy, Mom. Ana and I will come to visit you tomorrow, okay?" He switched off the phone and looked at me again. "Ana, forget about the divorce. Rules can't be broken. Submit the application today, and I'll approve it tomorrow so we can go back there together, alright?" I bit my lip hard. My shoulders trembled, then finally slumped completely. Dad died when I was young, and Mom raised me all on her own. But fate wasn't kind to her. In the second year of my marriage, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She always said that she would have no regrets in death as long as she could see me happy. And now, all she wished for was to see her grandchild before her death. I knew that she would be devastated if she knew what my life had become. The baby was already gone, and I couldn't afford to lose her, too. In the end, I compromised. That very night, I followed Nathan's instructions and went through the formal approval process. But the next day, Nathan neither approved the request nor returned home. I didn't even dare to answer Mom's video calls. When I walked into his office again, Miranda was leaning shyly against Nathan's chest, cooing, "Oh, stop it, Mr. Ritter. You're pressing against me down there again." Seeing this jarring scene, I felt neither anger nor disgust for the first time—just resignation. I asked, in a flat, detached tone, "When are you coming back with me, Nathan? Mom has been keeping the food warm since noon. It's been sitting there all day." Nathan caught Miranda's hand, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. "Where's your application? I haven't received it. Nothing can proceed without proper approval." My eyelids felt too heavy to lift. Even now, he was still fixated on these so-called "procedures". "I submitted it yesterday." "Yesterday?" He furrowed his brows tightly and looked toward his desk. Miranda suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, so that was Mrs. Ritter's application form yesterday? I didn't realize it… I folded it into a paper airplane this morning and tossed it into the trash." Nathan soothed Miranda gently, but his expression turned cold the moment he looked at me. "It's just a scrap of paper. It's not worth such a fuss. Write another one. I'll take you back tomorrow." No sooner had he finished speaking than Miranda clung to his arm, acting coy. "Well, take me out for lunch today, then, Mr. Ritter! Besides, given the state your mother-in-law is in, it's not like seeing you would exactly keep her alive any longer anyway." My blood surged, ready to burst through my veins. She could provoke me all she wanted, but she had no right to speak of my mom that way! "You're really desperate for a man, aren't you, Miranda Hooper?" I lunged forward and struck Miranda hard across the face. "Ah!" Nathan caught her instantly, his gaze fixed on me as if laced with poison. "Anastasia! Get on your knees and apologize this instant!" I let out a cold, sharp laugh. "In your dreams." "It seems like you don't care about your mother, then." I gritted my teeth, my muscles aching with tension. I then sank to my knees and said, "I'm sorry." Miranda whimpered, sounding aggrieved, "I don't think Mrs. Ritter is being sincere at all… My face hurts so much…" Nathan shot me a vicious glare. "Slap yourself until Mimi is satisfied!" I closed my eyes. People came and went through the office, yet the only sound was the rhythmic thwack of my hand against my face. I didn't know how much time passed before I finally left the office. I dialed Mom's number, my face still swollen and smarting, but no one answered. Immediately after, a call came from the hospital. "Ms. Winters, your mother has just passed away. She took her own life." … By the time I reached the hospital, Mom was already covered by a white sheet. I learned later that Miranda had sent Mom a video of me apologizing and slapping myself. Mom was so desperate to protect me from further harm and unwilling to be a burden that she jumped to her death. I sat there, frozen and hollow. Then, Nathan arrived with Miranda in tow. "I'm going to fucking kill you!" I screamed, lunging toward Miranda like a madwoman, only to be kicked away once again. Nathan caught me in his arms and growled, "Calm down!" "How am I supposed to calm down? She's the reason my mother is dead!" "Don't talk nonsense. Mimi just has a bit of a temper. She wouldn't do something like that. Be more sensible, Anastasia!" I laughed bitterly. "I've already lost my child and my mother, Nathan Ritter. I don't have any family left." "You will. We can always have more children." "No, we won't. Never again." I squeezed my eyes shut. With a forceful shove, I pushed him away, scrambled up, and climbed over the railing. Then, right before his eyes, I leaped.