My Love Repels Him, So I'm Done

My boyfriend, Tyler Olsen, only wants me when I stop wanting him. The more I love him, the less he can stand me. At the elaborate proposal I plan for him, Tyler walks in with his arm around my best friend Winona Carter's waist. Then, in front of everyone, he makes an announcement. "Winnie and I had sex." He watches the happiness and anticipation slowly drain from my face before asking me the same question for the 27th time. "You don't love me as much anymore, do you?" I nod, and Tyler immediately lights up. "That's great. Now, we can be perfectly fine together again for a while." Over our eight years together, he's hugged Winona, kissed her, held her hand, taken her on dates, and celebrated anniversaries with her. He's used every method he can think of to wear away my feelings for him. Only when I stop loving him can he love me. Winona gives his chest a playful pinch, then turns to me with a pout. "I even lost my virginity to him so you two could stay together. You'd better make it up to me." Tyler smiles at her. "Alright, alright. You're the hero here. Whatever you want, I'll get it for you." The two of them discuss what he should give her as compensation while I watch in silence. Without a word, I toss the roses in my hands into the trash. Tyler has no idea that I've already promised my mother to move abroad with her for good if the proposal falls through. Chapter 1 Kelsey's POV The roses hit the bottom of the trash can with a muffled thud, finally cutting off Tyler Olsen and Winona Carter's endless back-and-forth. They both turned toward me. Winona sighed and rolled her eyes. "There she goes. Her Highness is mad again. You deal with her." As she headed for the door, she added, "I'm out. And don't forget you owe me for this." Once the door closed behind her, Tyler walked over to the trash, pulled out the roses, and placed them on the table beside me. "Why are you giving Winnie an attitude?" he asked. "The only reason I slept with her was because of you. If you didn't fall for me again every time I tried to push you away, I wouldn't have to use Winnie to make you give up on me." Every boundary they crossed, every hurtful thing they did, was supposedly for my own good. It was twisted and ridiculous. "Tyler, I'm not going to fall in love with you again," I said. Assuming I was having another fit, he crossed the room and pulled me into his arms. "Babe, you never have to love me. It's enough that I love you." He'd said the same thing when he first confessed his feelings to me. Back then, I'd thought our love story was about to unfold. Instead, those words marked the beginning of an eight-year nightmare. "Babe, you're so much prettier when you're mad at me," Tyler said. "I like this version of you way better than the one who was always all over me." He pinched my cheek as if he were soothing a sulky pet. "Let's go see a movie tonight. You've been wanting to do that with me forever, haven't you?" I'd asked him to go to the movies with me six months ago. While we were curled up together in bed, I'd playfully asked him to take me, and he'd agreed. On the day we were supposed to go, I was happy all day. I did my makeup, planned my outfit, and curled my hair. That evening, Tyler texted me to say he'd bought the tickets. When I reached the theater, however, I found him standing at the kiosk with Winona's hand in his. The moment he saw me, he held up the two tickets. "Winnie wanted to see this one too, and tonight's sold out. You can come by yourself tomorrow." My eyes filled with tears. "But you promised we'd go together." Still, Tyler barely reacted. "It was just something I said. A verbal promise isn't some legally binding contract. Don't take everything so seriously." I watched the two of them scan their tickets and walk into the theater. A message from Winona arrived a moment later. It was a picture of her fingers laced through Tyler's. "That idiot thinks you've been way too clingy lately. He's worried he'll get fed up and break up with you, so he's trying to make you mad enough to back off. Don't cry, okay? And don't blame him. He's only doing this because he wants to be with you." I didn't reply. I didn't cry anymore, either. From that day on, I stopped wanting to see a movie with Tyler. His warm hand closed around mine, pulling me back to the present. "Come on, babe. The movie's about to start. Afterward, we'll go straight to the beach house and stay up for the sunrise." Tyler remembered every little thing I'd ever told him I wanted to do. Eventually, he would even make those things happen. But he just always waited until I'd finally stopped wanting him. I pulled my hand free. "We're done." Chapter 2 Kelsey's POV Tyler stiffened for a second, then laughed. "Okay, okay. We'll break up. Whatever you say. Let me take you home." He still didn't think I meant it. Exhaustion settled over me, but I no longer had the energy to explain. "No. I'll get a cab." Tyler wasn't offended by the rejection. He simply stood behind me and waited. Then, Winona sent him a voice message. "So? Did sleeping with me finally get through to Kelsey? If not, I'm happy to help you out a few more times. You're pretty good in bed, anyway." The recording ended, and Tyler took his time replying. "Kelsey's pissed at me right now. I need to stay with her, so I won't be needing you for a while." Once he'd sent the message, he turned to me as though none of this were remotely strange. "She's too intense in bed. It's not really my thing. I still like you best, babe." He was trying to make me feel better. Ever since Tyler realized that seeing him get intimate with Winona made me withdraw, he'd started comparing us constantly. Winona cooked better than I did; she had a better body, and even her hands were prettier than mine. But this was the only time he'd ever said he preferred me to Winona. Strangely, it didn't make me happy. Instead, a heavy, sick feeling settled in my stomach. "I don't want to hear about what the two of you do in bed," I retorted. Tyler laughed. "Are you jealous?" I shook my head. I wasn't jealous. I just didn't care anymore. My cab pulled up a few minutes later. Once I got in, I noticed Tyler's car following us, and a message popped up on my phone. "Technically, I'm still making sure you get home." I read it once, then turned off my phone. In the past, the smallest gesture from Tyler had been enough to make me soften toward him, but that wouldn't happen again. When I got home, Mom saw that I'd come back alone. She didn't ask what happened. Instead, she simply followed me into my room and quietly helped me pack. "Do you still want this ring?" she asked. I went silent for a moment. "No." I'd made that ring myself the first time I proposed to Tyler. He took it, but he didn't accept my proposal. He never wore the ring, either. "I'm still young. I don't want marriage tying me down yet," he'd said. "And don't ever do something like that again. You put me on the spot in front of all those people. It was embarrassing." The next morning, I'd found the ring in the trash. I picked it out and brought it home because I was convinced that one day Tyler would finally want to wear it. I'd been ridiculously naive. Once I finished packing, I lay down on my bed and slowly drifted off. I wasn't sad. In fact, I didn't feel much of anything. Early the next morning, someone knocked on the front door. When I opened it, Tyler and Winona were standing there. "Babe, what took you so long?" Tyler asked. "We've been out here forever." "What are you doing here?" I demanded. Winona smiled and lifted the takeout bag in her hand. "Obviously, we came to make it up to you." Tyler nodded. "You love the pastries from this place, don't you? I went out of my way to pick some up." Before I could stop her, Winona slipped past me and walked into the living room. As she passed, I caught the same fragrance on both of them. She opened the boxes and spread the pastries across the table. "Kelsey, I'll give you one thing. You have good taste. Tyler and I have gone to this place so many times that I'm honestly sick of it," she said. "But you don't get it very often, so you'll probably still love it. Come eat." Tyler used to say that bringing me breakfast felt too intimate. According to him, doing things like that would only make me fall harder for him, so he'd never once brought me breakfast. Yet, he and Winona had been to this place together so many times that she was already sick of it. Chapter 3 Kelsey's POV "Get out. Neither of you is welcome here," I snapped. They ignored me. As Winona grabbed one of the takeout cups, hot coffee splashed onto her hand. Tyler immediately grabbed a silk scarf hanging from the coat rack by the door and used it to wipe her skin. My chest tightened. "Give me that." Dad had bought the scarf for Mom as an anniversary present the year he died. She treasured it and only took it out to wear from time to time. Tyler didn't stop. "Don't be so stingy. Winnie's skin is so sensitive that it reddens over nothing. I need to wipe this off before it gets worse." When he was finished, he casually dropped the scarf onto the floor. I crouched to pick it up. Coffee had soaked into the silk, leaving ugly stains. I was so angry that my body started trembling. At that point, Winona lowered her voice to soothe me. "Oh, come on. It's not that serious. That thing isn't even worth half what Tyler paid for my necklace. I'll reimburse you if you're that upset." Tyler wore the same expression, as though I were making a scene over nothing. "That was the last gift my dad bought for Mom," I said. "I've told both of you that before." Winona's eyes darted away. "I-I didn't know." Tyler looked briefly taken aback as well. "How am I supposed to remember every little thing you've ever told me?" He stepped in front of Winona protectively. "Stop making such a big deal out of it. Winnie already apologized." A week earlier, I'd accidentally broken a little beaded keychain Winona had made for him. Tyler had been furious. He accused me of being disrespectful of other people's belongings. Now, they were the ones who had hurt me and destroyed something precious to me, yet somehow I was still the one at fault. No matter what happened, Tyler always took Winona's side. Mom must have heard us arguing because she came out of her bedroom. The second she saw the scarf in my hands, her eyes reddened. "Who did this?" Winona apologized with complete indifference, "I reimbursed Kelsey for it. Please don't be mad." She'd sent me 50 dollars. When Mom saw the amount, she snapped and slapped Winona across the face. "I don't want your damn money! And who told either of you that you could walk into my house?" Winona covered her cheek, furious. Then, she yanked the scarf out of my hands, grabbed a pair of scissors, and cut it into pieces. "It's just something a dead man gave you! I should be upset after you made me wipe my hands with something so creepy!" The sight of the ruined scarf devastated Mom. Her breathing suddenly became labored. She clutched her chest and collapsed backward onto the floor. I dropped beside her and called her over and over again, but she didn't respond. "Give me a break," Winona muttered under her breath. "She had plenty of strength when she slapped me. Look at her, pretending to pass out." Mom had high blood pressure. My first thought was that the stress might have caused a stroke. I didn't have time to argue with Winona and looked up at Tyler instead. "Help me get Mom to the hospital." He didn't move. Instead, he gave me a mocking look. "Mrs. Arnold is a grown woman. Isn't she a little old for pretending to be sick? Tell her to get up before she takes this too far." He paused before adding, "Kelsey, I like that you're not clinging to me anymore, but I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to go along with everything you say." My eyes burned. All those years of loving him suddenly felt wasted. The man I'd loved for all that time turned out to be a complete asshole. With shaking hands, I pulled out my phone and called 911. Ten minutes later, the paramedics carried Mom out on a stretcher and loaded her into the ambulance. Winona rolled her eyes. "Wow. She's really committing to this. She'd better hope she doesn't end up sick for real." I turned around, grabbed the glass of water from the table, and threw it straight in her face. "If anything happens to my mom, I will never forgive either of you!" Winona stared at me in disbelief as Tyler's expression darkened. "There's a limit to how far you can take this tantrum. Winnie has been helping us this entire time. Apologize to her, now!" I laughed. Winona had flirted with Tyler and inserted herself into our relationship, all while claiming she was doing it to help us stay together. And Tyler actually treated her like some kind of hero. "Tyler, don't you see that she's in love with you?" I asked. He hesitated, but that split second of silence told me everything I needed to know. Of course, he knew. They had simply agreed to dance around the truth and enjoy whatever this was between them, all the while keeping me in the dark like some fool. I didn't say anything else. Instead, I turned and climbed into the ambulance. As the doors closed, I caught one last glimpse of Tyler with his hand on Winona's shoulder, leaning down to say something to her. Chapter 4 Kelsey's POV Mom was rushed into the ER, and an hour later, they wheeled her back out. "There's nothing seriously wrong," the nurse told me. "Just try not to let her get too stressed or angry from now on. As long as she rests and takes care of herself, she'll be fine." The nurse took Mom to a hospital room, and I sat beside the bed, holding her hand. After she woke up, I helped her eat breakfast. Then, I got ready to go home and bring our luggage back to the hospital. "I already put the house up for sale. Once you're discharged tomorrow, we'll head straight to the airport." Mom patted my hand gently. "Alright. And Kelsey, don't blame yourself for the scarf. None of that was your fault." I blinked my dry, aching eyes and nodded. "I know, Mom. I'll buy you so many beautiful scarves from now on that you'll have more than you can wear." She smiled. When I got home, I immediately noticed that my bedroom door was slightly ajar. I distinctly remembered closing it the day before. Frowning, I pushed it open, only to be hit by the unmistakable smell of sex. Tyler and Winona were lying in my bed, their clothes scattered across the floor. I stared at them in disbelief. "Why the hell are you having sex in my bedroom?" My voice woke Winona. Without the slightest embarrassment, she grabbed one of my nightgowns and slipped it on. "Kelsey, your mattress is awful. My back is killing me." Her sheer shamelessness left me speechless. Tyler slowly opened his eyes and sat up. Then, he came over and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Don't be mad. We did this because of you." Of course, it was that same excuse. "You hate how close Winnie and I are, don't you?" he continued. "We've agreed this was the last time. From now on, it'll just be you and me. Isn't that what you wanted? Aren't you happy?" I stared at him. "Do you even hear yourself? That's disgusting." Tyler's expression darkened, and he immediately released me. "You've been making a huge deal about Winnie for years. Now, we've agreed to stop seeing each other, and you're still not satisfied. What exactly do you want from me?" That was how Tyler always handled things. Somehow, I was always at fault. Winona joined in softly, reasoning with me, "Kelsey, Tyler told you from the beginning that he loses interest once someone loves him back. You said you accepted that. "Tyler and I have made plenty of sacrifices for you over the years. Can't you stop acting like nothing we do is ever enough?" I looked at the two of them and realized there wasn't a flicker of emotion left in me. "I'm not saying it isn't enough. I just don't want either of you sacrificing anything for me anymore. All I want is for you to leave me alone and never show up in my life again." I grabbed my suitcase and started toward the door. "Where are you going?" Tyler asked. "What are you trying to pull this time?" The moment he noticed the suitcase in my hand, something changed in his expression. Before I could answer, however, Winona laughed. "I know exactly what she's doing." Tyler turned to her. "Remember when we left her stranded in the mountains for a whole day and night? She came back, packed her bags, and said she was leaving then, too." Contempt crept into Winona's voice. "She's bluffing. She just wants to see whether you care enough to stop her." Whatever concern had appeared on Tyler's face disappeared. My anger, sadness, and pain were always just tantrums to them. Tyler was certain I would never actually leave, so I didn't bother defending myself. Instead, I simply took my suitcase and left. By the time I reached the lobby, Tyler had sent me two messages. The first was the location of a hotel. The second read, "Come here when you've calmed down. Tonight, it'll be just the two of us." I looked at the address and gave a bitter smile. I'd planned 20 different proposals for Tyler at that hotel, yet every single one had ended with me humiliated and heartbroken. I had enough painful memories of that place to last a lifetime. I would never set foot in that place again. I didn't bother responding to his messages. Instead, I blocked him and deleted his number. The next morning, after Mom was discharged, I took a cab with her to the airport. As the plane climbed, I looked down at the city one last time. There was no love. No hatred. No regret.