The Most Sensible Daughter Chose to Die

I'm the middle child. My older sister, Jessica Carter, is a straight-A student. My little brother, Tommy Carter, is the baby of the family. I'm the one everyone overlooks, yet Mom and Dad are always praising me in front of other people. "Riley is such an easy child. She never asks for new clothes and is perfectly happy wearing Jessica's hand-me-downs." "When there are only two pieces of bacon left at the table, she won't even reach for them. She just keeps her head down and eats her toast as if she hasn't noticed." "Jessica shuts herself in her room to study, and Tommy hogs the TV. But even at ten years old, Riley insists on doing the dishes and sweeping the floors. We can't get her to stop." The day before Christmas Eve, Dad comes home beaming. "My bosses gave me four tickets for a cruise! We're taking a Christmas cruise to Cranford!" Mom looks around at all of us before asking quietly, "But… who's going back to Grandma's place to spend Christmas with her?" All four of them turn to look at me. I raise my hand at once. "I'll stay with Grandma!" Dad gives me a thumbs-up. "That's my girl! We can always count on you. Take good care of Grandma." But they have no idea what was waiting for me… By the time I got to Grandma's house on Christmas Eve, she's already dead. Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I've let you down. You trusted me to take care of Grandma, but I've failed you… I sit beside Grandma's cold, lifeless body, lost in thought for what feels like forever. Then I quietly open the cupboard and take out the bottle of pesticide. I've made up my mind. I'm going to punish myself the only way I know how—quietly, without making a fuss. Chapter 1 Early on Christmas Eve, my older sister, Jessica Carter, and little brother, Tommy Carter, rushed over to Mom, clinging to her legs as they bounced around and sang Christmas carols. Mom beamed and handed Jessica a Christmas card stuffed with cash. "Jessica, there's 200 dollars in there. Buy yourself whatever books you want. Don't worry about the price!" Then she gave Tommy a Christmas card featuring his favorite cartoon character and ruffled his hair. "Merry Christmas, Tommy! There's 50 dollars in there. Go buy yourself some candy!" Finally, she turned to me, and her smile faded a little. I jumped up before she could say anything. "Mom, I don't need any Christmas money! Really, I'm fine…" Mom paused, then nodded approvingly. "You've always been such an easy child. You know how hard your dad and I work to support this family." She took two one-dollar bills from her purse and pressed them into my hand. "Here. Buy yourself something nice." Then she turned to Jessica and Tommy. "You two could stand to be a little more like Riley." But Jessica and Tommy had already run off with their Christmas money, barely listening to Mom. I folded the two dollars and tucked it into my pocket, then quietly cleared the table. Mom smiled approvingly. Seeing Mom smile at me like that made me feel all warm inside. See? As long as I kept being good and never caused any trouble, Mom and Dad would love me more. I wanted to go on that fancy cruise and feel special for once, too. But if I didn't volunteer to stay behind, I'd put Mom and Dad in a difficult position. By noon, Mom had called Jessica and Tommy several times before they finally came out of their rooms, dressed and ready to leave. "What's taking you two so long? I should've let Riley help you pack. She'd have been done ages ago." I looked up, startled. Jessica and Tommy wore matching Christmas sweaters with a reindeer leaping across the front. They looked adorable. Even Mom and Dad had matching Christmas sweaters! Just then, Mom called me into her room. My heart raced. Was she going to give me a matching sweater, too? Instead, Mom dug an old outfit and a pair of shoes out of the back of the closet. "Try these on, Riley. They were Jessica's Christmas clothes from last year. She barely wore them, so they're still in good shape." Dust rose from the clothes. Mom quickly covered her nose, dropped them on the floor, and doubled over, coughing. I quietly picked up the clothes and put them on. Jessica was taller and bigger than I was, so the outfit hung on me like a sack. I forced my feet into her old leather shoes, but they pinched painfully. Still covering her nose, Mom asked, "Do you like them?" I looked at the bright red reindeer on the front and nodded, pretending I liked it. At least the reindeer looked festive, I told myself. "See? Riley's never any trouble. She never even asks for new clothes." At 2:00 pm, Dad brought out four brand-new suitcases. Jessica and Tommy each had a colorful suitcase covered in cartoon characters. They bounced toward the car, dragging their suitcases behind them. I stood by the door with Jessica's old backpack on my back. The cartoon print had almost faded, and the straps had broken more than once, but the backpack was still usable. Dad drove me to the bus station. Mom handed me my ticket, hugged me, and smiled warmly. "Be a good girl and keep Grandma company. We'll be back in a few days!" I climbed onto the bus and took a window seat. I didn't ask Mom to walk me to my seat. I didn't want to hold her up. As the bus pulled away, I saw Mom handing Jessica and Tommy each a candy apple. Tommy held his candy apple up and squealed, "I get to stay in a huge room with an ocean view tonight!" I watched them longingly until the bus turned the corner and they disappeared from sight. They'd bring me a seashell necklace when they came back, wouldn't they? The seashells from Cranford had to be beautiful. The bus finally arrived at ten that night. The wind howled in the darkness. I huddled inside Jessica's old winter coat, adjusted my backpack, and made my way nervously down the dark road. Feeling the two dollars in my pocket, I finally worked up the courage to turn around and head to the corner store. I bought a bag of butterscotch candies for Grandma. She loved sweets. The yard was pitch-black, and Buddy, our big dog who usually stayed outside, was nowhere to be seen. I eased the door open. The lights were off, and the house was freezing. "Grandma? I'm home," I called out softly. No one answered. The only sound was the wind whistling outside. I felt my way through the darkness to Grandma's bed. In the faint moonlight, I saw her lying beneath a thick quilt. "Grandma? Are you asleep?" I tiptoed closer, reaching out to tuck the quilt around her. But the quilt was cold. Grandma's hand hung over the edge of the bed. It was cold, too. I gently shook her shoulder and called softly, "Grandma, wake up. I brought you butterscotch candies." She didn't move a muscle. Panic washed over me. I held my hand beneath her nose, trying to feel her breath. There was nothing. Then I pressed my ear to her chest, listening to a heartbeat. There was none… Chapter 2 My mind went blank. I was terrified. I had no idea what to do. I struggled to pull the thick, flower-patterned quilt over Grandma's shoulders, hoping to keep her warm. I hurried to turn on the lights, get the fireplace going, and put some water on to boil. The firelight fell across Grandma's face, but her skin was still ice-cold. I unwrapped a piece of candy and was about to offer it to Grandma when my hand trembled, sending it tumbling to the floor. I quickly picked it up, blew off the dust, and held it out to her again. "Grandma, these are butterscotch candies! They're really good. Here, try one!" But Grandma didn't respond. Her body was growing stiffer by the minute. I didn't want to waste the candy, so I popped it into my mouth and bit down hard, tears filling my eyes. "Grandma, smell it. Doesn't it smell good? And it's so easy to chew!" I found Grandma's old cell phone and tried calling Dad, but he didn't answer. The automated voice repeated over and over, "We're sorry. The person you're trying to reach is unavailable…" Then I remembered what Dad had told me. "That's my girl! We can always count on you. Take good care of Grandma." But now… Grandma was gone. Was it my fault? Had I not been dependable enough? Had I failed to take proper care of her? Mom and Dad had trusted me with something so important, and I'd let them down. They'd blame me when they found out. They wouldn't yell at me or hit me. They'd just give me that cold look, as if I were a stranger. I curled up at the foot of the bed, too afraid to leave the room or even close my eyes. When I was born, Mom went back to the countryside to have me. She left when I was barely a month old, and Grandma raised me. Dad didn't bring me to the city until I was six years old. The first time Mom saw me, she frowned. "Why are you so tan? And look at your dirty hands." I stared down at my hands. I'd washed them with soap three times! Grandma always told me that if I behaved and never caused trouble, Mom and Dad would love me someday. So, I took on all the housework and did my best not to upset anyone. Whenever Dad came home, I brought him his slippers. Whenever Mom sat down, I massaged her shoulders. I only took things Jessica no longer wanted. Even when Tommy tore up my homework, I didn't dare complain. Little by little, I earned their praise. "You're such a good girl." "You never ask for anything." “You've always been such an easy kid." I wasn't as smart as Jessica or as cute as Tommy. But whenever something needed doing, Mom and Dad turned to me. I was the one they could count on to do the work. But this time, I'd failed them. I glanced at Grandma's bluish face, then at the pitch-black sky outside. Quietly, I climbed out of bed. I grabbed a broom and cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. Then I worked up the courage to take out the trash. That way, Mom and Dad wouldn't come home and call me a slob. I remembered how Mom used to complain that I looked dirty when I first came to live with them. But I'd always been the cleanest kid in our little town. I opened my schoolbag, took out my notebook, and carefully tore out a sheet of paper. Then I neatly wrote across the top—My Last Words. Before Mom and Dad came home, I wanted to be a good girl one last time. That way, I'd always be… their good, easygoing daughter they were so proud of… I opened the cupboard and took out the bottle of pesticide hidden at the back. I'd made up my mind. I unscrewed the cap and drank it all. Outside, festive lights sparkled across the waterfront. Everyone was celebrating Christmas. But little by little, the sounds began to fade. Soon, I felt myself rising. Looking down, I saw my own body curled up at the foot of Grandma's bed, like a kitten fast asleep. So, this was death. It happened so quickly. Buddy came back and circled Grandma and me, whimpering as if he couldn't bear to leave us. You silly dog, where have you been all this time? I drifted out the window and spotted the first star in the night sky. Without thinking, I floated toward it. That was when I saw a brightly lit cruise ship. Dad had his arm around Jessica's shoulders. "You did great on your exams! I'll get you a new phone as a reward." Mom gently wiped cream from Tommy's mouth. "Slow down, honey. No one's going to take it from you." Tommy bounced excitedly. "I wanna go on another cruise next year!" Jessica grinned and held up her phone. "Guess what? I've named my vlog Our Happy Family!" Then they raised their champagne glasses and toasted. "Merry Christmas! Here's to our happy family!" Fireworks lit up the night sky over the ocean, lighting up everyone's smiling faces. They counted down to midnight together. As they welcomed Christmas Day, my body grew colder and colder… Chapter 3 I drifted above the cruise ship, watching them laugh and raise their glasses. I suddenly remembered all the times I'd been praised for being such an easy child. On my first night back in the city at six years old, I wanted everyone to like me, so I knelt in the bathroom and hand-washed the family's laundry. My fingers turned white and wrinkled, and my knees ached from kneeling so long. Then Jessica shrieked, "Mom! She's going to ruin my dress!" Mom didn't scold me. She just laughed and pulled Jessica into her arms. "What's the big deal? Where else would you find a little sister so helpful? We can always buy you another dress." When I was eight years old, I helped cook Thanksgiving dinner for our relatives. Hot oil splattered onto my wrist, leaving a painful burn. From the living room, Mom called proudly, "Riley has always been so independent. She can cook, clean, you name it! Riley, why don't you make everyone some garlic butter shrimp?" I bit my lip and stayed quiet. I didn't want to ruin her mood. Even now, I still have the scar… Mom and Dad never had to worry about Tommy's kindergarten projects. I always volunteered to do them for him. Last Christmas, I stayed up until midnight making decorations for his class party. The next day, he trampled them in front of his classmates and laughed. Dad only frowned. "Tommy, watch it. What if Riley stops helping you with homework?" Jessica was their pride and joy, the daughter who always made them look good. Tommy was the little miracle Mom and Dad had been waiting for. And then there was me—just the daughter born in between. Jessica was five years older than me, and Tommy was five years younger. I was just the kid in the middle, neither the favorite nor the baby. I had to be extra well-behaved and helpful just to feel like I belonged. Mom and Dad were always telling everyone how easy I was to raise. But they never once wondered why I never gave them any trouble. I kept drifting until I found myself back outside Grandma's house. Grandma's neighbor, Linda Moore, stopped by with a holiday basket of fruit and snacks. No one answered. Buddy stood guard at the door, growling softly. Afraid of Buddy, Linda left the basket on the porch and hurried away. She'd been so close… If only she'd opened the door, she would've found Grandma and me. She could've called my parents and told them what had happened! But now, all we could do was lie motionless on the bed, our bodies growing cold as the smell of decay slowly filled the room. Stray dogs prowled outside, and only Buddy's fierce vigilance kept them away. "Three, two, one! Say cheese!" Dad's laughter pulled me back to the cruise ship. They were taking a family photo. Dad had his arm around Jessica, while Mom held Tommy. All four of them were grinning from ear to ear. The photographer asked, "Is everyone here?" Chapter 4 No, no, no! I haven't even gotten into place yet! I hurried over to Mom and tugged at her sleeve. But my hand passed right through her, grasping nothing but air. Mom glanced at Dad. After a brief hesitation, she said, "Yes, we're all here!" The camera flashed. But I wasn't in the family photo. After they took the photo, I hovered nearby like an unwanted stray, watching them share a happiness that had never included me. Mom gently squeezed Tommy's cheeks as she rubbed lotion onto his face. "Don't get too tan, sweetie. You'll end up looking like Riley, all tan and scruffy like she just came off a farm." Dad smiled proudly at Jessica. "Enjoying the cruise? You've made us so proud! "When you're ready to study abroad, go for it. Don't worry about the money. And if you decide to stay there, that's fine, too." Jessica gave him a playful pout. "But what about you guys?" Mom chuckled. "What's there to worry about? We still have Riley. She's never been any trouble. Don't worry." Dad nodded. "Exactly. If she hadn't offered to stay behind, we wouldn't be enjoying this vacation right now." They laughed and raised their glasses, enjoying their perfect family vacation. Meanwhile, I couldn't even make it into a single photograph. But I'd tried so hard to be good… So, why had they still forgotten about me? The days passed, and before I knew it, a week had gone by since Christmas Eve. Linda grew concerned after hearing Buddy bark day and night, so she went to check on Grandma's house. She knocked, but no one answered. She called out several times, but Buddy just stood in the doorway, barking frantically, clearly distressed. Something felt wrong. She stood on tiptoe and peered through a gap in the window. Inside, Grandma and I lay motionless on the bed. Her heart sank. She hesitated, then steeled herself and pushed open the door. I wanted to lead her to us, but she couldn't see me. All I could do was watch as she covered her nose and fumbled for her phone with trembling hands to call the police. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad were back from their trip, busy sorting through vacation photos, posting them online, and playing with Tommy and his new toys. Not once did they think of me. Maybe that was for the best. The longer it took them to find out, the longer they'd have before the pain hit. Then again, maybe they wouldn't be sad at all. That evening, they gathered around a steaming pot of stew while a Christmas special played on TV. Dad was scrolling through the local news when a headline caught his eye. "Girl Left Alone with Grandmother Found Dead on Christmas Eve." He sighed with relief. "Thank goodness we brought Riley home with us. Who knows what might've happened if we'd left her behind?" Mom blew on a piece of beef to cool it before feeding it to Tommy. She didn't even look up. "Exactly. It's just not safe out in the countryside. Kids should really stay with their parents. They'd completely forgotten that I was still there. Just then, the doorbell rang. Two police officers stood outside, their expressions grave. "Are you Daniel Carter? We found two bodies at your family's home, an elderly woman and a young girl. We need you to come identify them."