A Different Kind of Glow-Up

While checking the exam schedule on Conrad Ashford's phone, I accidentally opened his group chat with his friends. One of his messages jumped out at me. "Anyone free to go running with that fat girl Tessa? I'll pay $20 a day. You're done once she gets down to 80 pounds. She's always clinging to me. I can't get rid of her. Just looking at her makes me lose my appetite." I said nothing and put his phone away. … A few days later, Conrad messaged me on WhatsApp, sounding unusually gentle. "I found someone to run with you. Just train with him from now on. It'll be good for you." I did as he suggested. I nodded and added the guy on WhatsApp. … Over the next three months, I trained with Silas Stryker and lost 30 pounds. The day I showed up to class in a fitted dress, Conrad could not take his eyes off me. He cornered me as soon as class ended. "Tessa, you've worked so hard to get in shape just to date me. I guess we should give this a shot. Let me take you to dinner tonight." I shook my head and waved to Silas, who was waiting nearby. "No, thanks. I'm going running with my boyfriend tonight. I don't have time." Chapter 1 The Truth Behind His Kindness Conrad rarely spoke to me this gently. For a moment, I felt strangely dazed. "I'm only doing this for your own good. You have to stick with it." I nodded. Just then, Brynn Haze, a girl from our class, walked by. He immediately brightened and hurried after her. From around the corner, I heard Brynn's sweet, soft voice. "Did Tessa agree?" "She was all for it. At the beginning of the school year, I casually told her we'd get together once she got down to 80 pounds. She actually believed me." Conrad laughed, looking utterly pleased with himself. She giggled. "You're so mean." "She's never going to get that thin. She's so fat, she could spend her whole life dieting and still never make it." "Then, why'd you pay someone to run with her?" "I just hired some random guy to help her train so she wouldn't keep bothering me. Every time I see her waddling toward me from halfway across campus, I feel sick." As he finished speaking, I heard Conrad make a quiet gagging sound. It was muffled and barely audible, but the disgust behind it was unmistakable. I stood silently in the shadows, my sweaty palm wrapped around my phone. A new notification appeared, lighting up the photo on my screen. Back in middle school, I had been slim, without an ounce of extra fat. Conrad had even begged the adults to take a picture of us together. "This is proof that we'll be together forever. Pinky promise. No take-backs!" But forever was a long time. Ever since I started gaining weight in high school, he had grown increasingly distant. Sometimes, he did not even bother hiding his disgust. My phone vibrated again. It was a message from Silas. "It's chilly tonight. Bring a light jacket. Keep a bottle of warm water with you. Don't eat too much right before running." I tightened my grip on the phone, then slowly relaxed it. I had sent Conrad messages just like these. "Wear something warmer when it gets cold." "Remember to eat on time." "Be careful on your way home." Sometimes, he would reply with a simple "Okay." Other times, he would complain that I sounded just like his mother, nagging him about everything. But he was careless. More than once, he had gone out wearing the wrong clothes and ended up getting sick, so I could not help reminding him. I started choosing every word carefully, afraid of annoying him. Eventually, he stopped complaining altogether. The lively chat we once shared had become a one-sided conversation. … By 6:00 p.m., the sun was already setting. I arrived at the track right on time and spotted a tall guy in a gray shirt. When he saw me, he straightened up. "Tessa?" "Yeah." "Let's walk two laps first. Find a comfortable breathing rhythm." As far as I could remember, he was the first person who had not immediately sized me up. Even Conrad, who had known me for over a decade, would look me up and down with a frown, finding something to criticize every time. "Tessa, can't you control what you eat?" "Look at those thighs. I bet you can't even fit into the largest pair of pants they sell." However, Silas was meeting me for the first time, and he had only looked at my face. He started walking backward along the track. "Come on. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth." The first lap went fine. However, just a couple of steps into the second, I started panting and swaying unsteadily. Silas immediately told me to sit down on the steps. "Feeling dizzy?" "A little." "What did you have for dinner?" "Nothing." His brows furrowed. "Why haven't you eaten?" I answered without thinking, "Conrad doesn't like me eating." Chapter 2 Not His to Judge Conrad said bread made me fat. Noodles made me fat. Meat made me fat. Whenever I brought him bottled water while he played basketball, he would not even look at me. He would just tell me not to drink too much. Even drinking water was apparently enough to make me fat. Silas paused, his expression turning serious. His voice was firm, almost cold. "If you run on an empty stomach, your blood sugar could drop in less than ten minutes. If you fall and hurt yourself, do you think he'll care?" My lips parted, and my heart tightened. He would not. Just like that time during the morning run when someone tripped me. Conrad had only clicked his tongue as he watched me get back up. "She's so fat, she can barely even run." The evening breeze had turned cold, and my eyes began to sting. Silas held out his jacket. "That's enough for tonight. I'm taking you to get something to eat. Starting tomorrow, you have to send me pictures of all three meals. No skipping any." I rubbed my eyes and nodded. … By the time I got back to the dorm, it was already 10 p.m. Silas told me I had to be asleep in half an hour. I hurried through my shower and washed my clothes, then went straight to bed. I did not even have time to wish Conrad good night. I dreamed I was back in that moment. I forced myself to my feet despite the pain, only to find Conrad already gone, laughing with the others about how ridiculous I had looked when I fell. This time, I did not cry. I just felt ridiculous. … The next morning, when I arrived in class, Conrad was setting out breakfast for Brynn. A layered mousse cake, a soft-boiled egg, a box of blueberries, and a cup of yogurt. "I got all this just for you. You're way too skinny. Eat more." She glanced over the spread before her eyes landed on me. "There's no way I can finish all this, Tessa. Here, have some." I looked at the two blueberries in her hand and said nothing. She blinked. "Not enough? You can have the rest, then. I never eat that much anyway." Conrad laughed. "Even if she ate all of it, it wouldn't make a dent in her appetite." He shot me a glance. "Tessa, try eating less. Everyone in this class gets one seat, but you need two all to yourself." A few classmates nearby laughed along. Brynn stuck out her tongue with a coy smile. "I was just trying to be nice. I didn't want her to go hungry." I lowered my eyes to my phone and saw Silas' reply. "Looks good." The photo I had sent him was right above his message—steamed purple sweet potato, an egg, and unsweetened yogurt. "7:30. East Gate." I replied with a simple "Okay," but my gaze kept drifting down toward my seat. … When the class bell rang, I realized I had accidentally sent him the thought running through my head. "I'm not taking up two seats." I hurried to unsend the message, but Silas' reply popped up first. "He's not you. He doesn't get to make demands of you or decide who you are. Pay attention in class. Remember to send me a picture of your lunch." I stared at the screen for a moment, then smiled faintly. When I looked up, I met Conrad's eyes. He looked me up and down again. When he noticed my phone screen lighting up, his eye twitched. I pretended not to notice, put my phone away, and opened my textbook. … That evening, Silas started teaching me how to jog. On my second lap, as we passed the west side of the track, I spotted Brynn sitting on the grass in a long dress. As we went by, Conrad let out a derisive snort, loud enough for me to hear. "The track's huge, but she just has to run right here. Like she's trying to make sure I see her. She's been like this since we were kids. Always finding excuses to show up wherever I am." Brynn shot me a displeased look, though her voice remained gentle. "Don't say that. Tessa just wants your attention." Conrad took off his jacket and draped it over her legs. "Her whole body jiggles when she runs. I just think it's hilarious." I did not stop. I kept running. … After the final lap, Silas had me stretch. As I stretched, he pointed toward my calf with one finger, careful not to touch me. "A little lower. Push a little harder." Conrad's voice carried over from the grass. "Silas will do anything for a little money, won't he?" Silas walked over and stepped in front of me. "Keep going. Don't stop." … By the time I finished stretching, Conrad and Brynn were gone. Silas handed me a bottle of water. "It's a big track. Anyone can use it. Don't pay attention to them." I hesitated, unsure whether to take it. "Silas, do I look ugly when I run?" He unscrewed the cap for me, his voice calm and even. "You're running with such determination. There's nothing ugly about that." Chapter 3 The Rumors I lowered my eyes, feeling as though I had finally found an outlet for everything I had been holding inside. That night, I still went to bed at 10:30 p.m. sharp. My phone suddenly vibrated in the middle of the night, waking me. It was Conrad. "You've been pretty quiet lately. Finally stopped texting me?" Still half-asleep, I put my phone on silent, rolled over, and went back to sleep. I did not wake up again until morning. … We had been running for about three weeks when our class president organized a get-together. When I arrived at the student lounge, Conrad was waiting by the door. "Go get the drinks. Two cases of water and a case of soda." Brynn stepped out just then, and his tone immediately softened. "Brynn, go back inside. Don't tire yourself out. We still have games to play later." She smiled and nodded, shooting me a subtle glance before joining the other girls, who were already sitting around eating snacks. I did not move. "Can't the guys carry them?" He acted as though the answer was obvious. "The guys have other things to take care of. Besides, you're strong. You can handle it yourself." With that, he turned and headed straight for Brynn. I looked past him and saw the guys sitting on the other side of the room, engrossed in a game of poker. So that was what he meant by having other things to do. I lowered my eyes, pursed my lips, and spoke up. "Let the guys carry the drinks." Conrad's expression darkened. The guys went to carry the drinks while I found a corner to sit in. I opened a message from Silas. "It's supposed to rain tonight, so we'll practice indoors. Bring a warm jacket." As I typed my reply, Conrad walked over. He glanced at Silas' profile picture and gave a quiet scoff. "So, that's why you've been so quiet lately. You've been chatting with him instead. Don't get the wrong idea. Silas likes pretty girls with nice bodies. You're not his type." I sent my reply, locked my phone, and looked up to meet his contemptuous stare. "He's just doing his job." Conrad scoffed. "Let me tell you something. He only agreed to run with you because I paid him. Of course he's going to do his job. "Tessa, honestly, I'm the only one who can put up with you. You've been running for three weeks, and you're still so fat it's hard to look at." The drinks arrived. Each guy carried a case, and they were sweating by the time they finished. Conrad turned his head, pretending not to notice. My expression did not change. I simply nodded, genuinely grateful. "Thanks for paying him to run with me." His expression darkened even further. He turned and walked away. … That evening, we went to the indoor gym, where Silas had me do high knees. He went to move some equipment to make room for me to jog. During a break, I wiped away my sweat and bent down to move the ball rack. He froze, then immediately grabbed my arm. "What are you doing?" "Helping you move it." He pulled me back. "That's not your job." I returned to the wall, sipping my water as I watched him handle everything. I remembered the first day of college, when Conrad had dumped all his luggage in front of me and told me to carry it up to the sixth floor. "You fat people are strong. Of course you should carry it." I lowered my eyes to my still-chubby legs and waist. … In three weeks, I had only lost 3 pounds. Yet, Silas said I was standing straighter, my stamina had improved, and my body was getting noticeably firmer. I set down my cup, ready to do another set, when my phone started buzzing. A classmate had sent me a link to an anonymous campus gossip page. I opened it and saw a photo someone had secretly taken of me. It had been taken during my first days at college, when I was at my heaviest. It showed me eating in the cafeteria from the side. The angle was deliberately unflattering, making me look especially round and bulky. "Anonymous submission! This fat chick keeps pestering Conrad, the basketball team's captain. He's sick of her, but she just won't leave him alone. Apparently, he finally couldn't take it anymore and paid someone to run with her just to get rid of her!" There were already plenty of comments. "Who's this? Looks like that girl who's always running around the track." "She's been running forever and still looks that fat. Is she actually working out or just pretending?" "Poor Conrad. Having a gross, fat girl like that clinging to him. What a nightmare." I stood there, my palms suddenly ice-cold. … By the next day, the post had spread across the entire campus. The moment I walked into class that morning, the room erupted in laughter. "Tessa, I heard you've been after Conrad since you were a kid! You even made sure to get into the same college, major, and class as him. If you have that much determination, why not put it toward losing weight instead?" Chapter 4 No Longer Yours One of the guys burst out laughing. "Didn't she lose weight? It's just hard to tell when she had that much to lose!" "Poor Conrad. How much are you paying that guy to run alongside her?" Everyone turned to look at him. I clenched my fingers, waiting for his answer. … Meanwhile, Conrad was busy peeling a hard-boiled egg for Brynn. Without even looking up, he said casually, "Twenty bucks a day. That's his rate." He did not mention that we had ended up in the same major because I had wanted to study finance and he had followed me to the same test prep classes. Eventually, we had even ended up in the same class. He did not mention that I had never been the one chasing him. He had been the one following me around since we were kids. With that one offhand remark, he turned every rumor into fact. The laughter in the classroom grew even louder. Brynn glanced at me with a look I could not quite read. "Tessa, don't take it personally. They're just joking around." But she could not quite hide her smile either. The moment she finished speaking, she lowered her head, trying to suppress a grin. … After class, our academic advisor called Conrad and me into his office. He pushed a sheet of paper toward me. "Tessa, the post on the campus confession page has caused quite a stir. After looking into it, we spoke with Conrad, and he told us you've been bothering him for a long time, disrupting his everyday life and studies." I turned and saw Conrad leaning against the wall, his expression indifferent. "Still, this isn't considered a particularly serious matter. The department just wants you to sign a written pledge promising not to bother Conrad again. Once that's done, we can put this behind us." I stared at the blank sheet of paper without moving. "I haven't been bothering him. You can check our phones. The last time I texted him was last month." A girl from the student conduct board scoffed. "Texts don't prove anything, Tessa. You need to know where you stand. Have some self-respect." I turned to Conrad again. All he had to do was speak up. He could tell them I had not contacted him or bothered him lately. He could even remind them that we had grown up together and that I had never behaved inappropriately, but he did not. He straightened up and let out a troubled sigh. "Tessa, just write it. Don't make it look like I'm bullying you." "You think I've been chasing after you too?" "Isn't that what you've been doing?" He frowned. "Following me around, looking for me. It's happened more times than I can count. I've gotten used to it. "Just hurry up and write it. This whole thing has been keeping me up at night. Can you stop making trouble for me?" 'Can you stop making trouble for me?' He really saw me as a burden he could not get rid of. I lowered my head and picked up the pen. "I, Tessa Hawke, promise that I will no longer have any contact with Conrad Ashford." After leaving the office, I sent Silas a message. "Let's start that workout plan you mentioned. Tonight." He replied immediately, "Sounds good." … Over the next few weeks, I exercised almost every day. Silas put together a detailed workout plan for me. Whenever it rained, we would move our workouts indoors. If my knees bothered me, we would slow down to an easy jog. … By the time finals rolled around, I had gotten down to 100 pounds. I was not all skin and bones like Brynn. I was slim and well-proportioned, with better posture. For our last class, I wore a fitted dress that cinched at the waist. The moment I walked in, my classmates could not stop staring. "Oh my God, Tessa! When did you get so thin?" "How did you do it?" Conrad could not take his eyes off me. He looked like he wanted to come over and talk, but I walked right past him and took a seat in the back. I had not forgotten the promise I had signed. I could feel Conrad looking at me on and off throughout the entire class. … The moment the bell rang, he stopped me, his face full of surprise and delight. "Tessa, I can't believe you actually did it. Now we can finally be together. Let me take you out to dinner tonight to celebrate." I did not respond, and he grew anxious. "Didn't you always want to be with me?" I shook my head and waved to Silas, who was waiting outside the window. Conrad followed my gaze, and his expression changed. "No, thanks. I'm going running with my boyfriend tonight. I don't have time."