Regret After Goodbye

On the day of our engagement party, my fiancée showed up with her ex-boyfriend in matching outfits. Then she took the microphone and made a very public declaration. "Lance, even if I'm engaged, my heart will always belong to you." Every head in the room turned my way, and it was obvious they were all enjoying the show. I calmly slipped off my suit jacket and gave a small smile. "Well, the stage is already set. Why not make this your engagement party instead?" Chapter 1 "Callum, where's Kristen? We've been waiting for an hour already. Should we give her a call?" My childhood friend, Jesse Bramwell, nudged my arm. He sounded a little exasperated. I checked my watch. It was already 11:00 am, a full hour past the time Kristen Ellwood and I had agreed on. On an ordinary day, I would not have minded waiting for her, but today of all days was our engagement party. Plenty of friends from out of town had taken time off work just to be here, and with one half of the happy couple this late, the atmosphere was bound to turn awkward. I took a deep breath and opened my chat with Kristen. Compared to my long, rambling messages, her replies were pitifully short. Most of them were just a thumbs-up emoji whenever I had paid for something on her behalf. The last message in the thread was the hotel location I had sent her at six that morning. [Kristen, don't forget about our engagement party. A lot of our old classmates are here.] [It's fine if you're running late. I'll take care of the guests, so take your time getting ready. My princess is going to be the most beautiful girl in the room!] I had read over both messages carefully before sending them. I did not ask much of Kristen. As long as she showed up and was willing to stay with me, I would be content, whether or not she loved me. I had just sent the last message and was about to close the app when a voice message popped up in the chat. I knew it. After five years together, Kristen would not just forget about me like that. I had always believed that as long as I treated her well enough, her heart would eventually melt for me. Barely two seconds later, I was already tapping on the message with a trembling hand. "Callum, relax. Kristen and I just woke up. We'll get ready and head over to the venue soon. Go ahead and entertain the guests and explain things for us, so nobody thinks Kristen and I have no manners." It was the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside, yet I felt as though I had been plunged into ice water. The voice was clear and crisp, yet it sent a chill straight down my spine, stirring a dread I could not shake. I would probably never forget that voice as long as I lived. It was Lance Kirby. Why was he back? Why today, of all days, the day Kristen and I were getting engaged? I opened the chat again, wanting to demand answers, but I did not even know where to start. I knew Kristen better than anyone. In her heart, ten of me put together would never measure up to one Lance. If I confronted her now, she might just skip the engagement party altogether. My pride was the least of my concerns, but the guests had no obligation to sit through such an awkward situation with me. As if he could sense how cornered I felt, he sent another voice message, taking his sweet time. "Callum, we're old classmates. You're not going to give me the cold shoulder, are you?" I took a deep breath and slowly typed out a reply. [Of course not. Come over as soon as you're ready.] I turned off my phone, a bitter ache in my chest that left me unable to say a word. Being with me had always been Kristen settling for second best. Kristen did not love me. I had understood that five years ago. Kristen, Lance, and I had gone to college together. From freshman year on, Kristen and Lance were the golden couple everyone on campus knew about. One was student council president and the other was captain of the basketball team. They seemed like characters who had stepped straight out of a novel. I, on the other hand, was as ordinary as they came, the kind of person nobody would look at twice in a crowd. Maybe the universe had been trying to warn me that Kristen and I were doomed from the start, because our first real encounter was awkward and humiliating. My family did not have much money. To take some of the burden off my parents, I worked part-time as a bartender at a bar near campus. The first time I met Kristen, the scene could only be described as chaotic. It was past midnight, and I was mixing drinks behind the bar when Kristen marched toward one of the private rooms in the corner with three or four girls, all of them looking grim. I did not pay much attention at first, since people came to bars looking for someone all the time. It was not until I heard arguing and screaming from the room that I realized something was wrong. By the time I rushed over, Kristen had a fistful of a half-dressed girl's hair, while Lance stood off to the side, wanting to step in but not knowing how. "Everyone at school knows Lance is my boyfriend! Do you have no shame? Going after my boyfriend? Do you have a death wish?" Kristen grew more worked up with every word. She grabbed a bottle and was about to smash it over the girl. Afraid someone would get seriously hurt, I rushed in, and unsurprisingly, I ended up as the only casualty of the whole mess. When I came to, I was in the hospital with gauze wrapped around my head and everything spinning. Kristen sat by the bed, her makeup ruined from crying, staring at me as if I had wronged her. "What were you thinking, jumping in like that? I was this close to teaching that shameless girl a lesson, you know that? "This is all your fault! Now I can't find Lance or that girl, and on top of that, I have to pay your medical bills. Why do I have such terrible luck?" Her mascara had run, leaving her with dark circles around her eyes. Something strange stirred inside me, and I realized I might be starting to like her. After I was discharged, I naturally ended up getting Kristen's number. I brought her food when she was hungry and water when she was thirsty. After I had spent three years pursuing her, Kristen finally asked me out herself. I thought she had finally been won over, but instead she just touched my face with a bitter look. "You really do have Lance's eyes. He got married. Will you be with me?" I froze for a moment. When I came to my senses, I held her hand tight. As long as I could be with Kristen, I was willing to be her backup. Looking back now, maybe I should never have made myself so small from the start. Five years as Kristen's backup had earned me nothing but her pity and sympathy. I had made myself so insignificant that she would not hesitate for even half a minute before tossing me aside. I did not want this twisted relationship anymore. Chapter 2 "Callum, why are you just standing there? Aren't you going to greet my friends? You're so useless!" Kristen's shrill voice pulled me out of my memories. Only then did I realize I had been standing in the blazing sun for a long time, my whole body drenched in sticky sweat. I wiped my forehead and gave a faint smile. "What, am I the hired help now? Am I supposed to handle everything?" Kristen clearly had not expected me to talk back. She looked at me coldly, her disgust written all over her face. "I only agreed to get engaged to you because I felt sorry for you. Instead of being grateful, you're disrespecting me and Lance? You've really got some nerve!" She stared at me with contempt, as though I had committed some unforgivable crime. I let out a long breath and looked at her hand locked with Lance's, then at their matching outfits that anyone could spot from across the room. A revulsion I had never felt before welled up inside me. "You two look so sweet together that anyone would think you were the ones getting engaged. Sounds like I'm the third wheel here, huh?" Kristen gazed at Lance adoringly, her eyes so soft they looked ready to melt. "Of course! All our friends say Lance and I are the perfect couple! Lance, don't worry. Even if I'm engaged, my heart will always be with you. No matter what happens, I'll never stop loving you!" The moment Kristen finished, the entire venue fell dead silent. Lance turned to me with a nasty smile, his eyes full of mockery. Kristen had not exactly kept her voice down, and with those loud matching outfits, the two of them quickly drew everyone's attention. A few of Kristen's friends were already covering their mouths to hide their giggles. I had become a laughingstock, and Kristen was the one who had pushed me into the center of all the gossip. The amused faces around me finally made me understand. To Kristen, my five years had been nothing but a joke. I let out a soft sigh, took off my suit jacket, and tossed it on the ground. "Well, since the stage is already set, why not make this your engagement party instead?" I turned to leave, but Kristen scoffed and nudged the jacket with her foot. "Callum, who are you trying to fool with this act? Don't think this is going to make me back down and apologize. If you say sorry right now, maybe I'll still do you the favor of going through with the engagement." I was not surprised to hear her say something like that. In her eyes, I was not allowed to have a temper at all. The moment she gave even an inch, I was expected to accept it with gratitude. In the past, I would have found some way to smooth things over and rushed to put Kristen in a good mood again. But now I was exhausted, body and soul, and I had no energy left to deal with anyone else's sudden mood swings. "I think I've made myself pretty clear, Kristen. We're done. As of today, we're strangers. We're not even friends." I pressed my lips together, grabbed my car keys from the table, and walked out. Kristen was still yelling something behind me, but I no longer cared. All I wanted was to get away from that mess as fast as I could. As soon as I stepped out of the venue, it was as though a massive weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders, and I felt lighter than I could put into words. Maybe today's engagement party had been the universe's way of telling me that Kristen and I were not right for each other, and that I needed to cut my losses before it was too late. At that thought, my grip on the steering wheel tightened. Chapter 3 By the time I got home, it was already afternoon. When I opened the door, the cat was pacing by the entrance, meowing with hunger. Pepper was a stray Kristen and Lance had adopted when they first started dating. After their breakup, Kristen looked after her, and once Kristen and I got together, the job of feeding the cat fell to me. I sighed and took the cat food out of the storage closet. Pepper kept circling my feet. I opened the resealable bag and poured a little into my palm, and she immediately started wolfing it down. It gave me a small sense of comfort, and I reached out to pet her. The next second, her sharp teeth sank into my finger. Blood welled up instantly, and the pain made me suck in a sharp breath. Pepper vanished in a flash. Luckily, I had already taken her to get her rabies shot, so all I had to do was bandage it up at home. Kristen, the woman I had loved for five years, did not like me. The cat I had taken care of for five years did not like me either. Was I just doomed to be this much of a failure? I let out a bitter laugh and wrapped my finger tightly in gauze. Then I poured some food into Pepper's bowl, cleared the leftovers off the dining table, and went back to the guest room. Before we moved in together, Kristen had made it clear that she did not believe in sleeping together before marriage, so we had always slept apart. She took the master bedroom, and I took the guest room. Most of the time, we seemed more like two strangers who happened to live under the same roof. I sat on the edge of the bed with nothing in particular on my mind, but when my eyes landed on the good luck charm on the nightstand, my breath caught in my throat. It was the gift Kristen had given me for our first anniversary. She had sprained her ankle hiking up to a hilltop chapel to get it, and I had felt terrible about it for a long time. To make up for the guilt, I had bought her a designer handbag she had wanted for ages. I picked up the charm and turned it over in my hands. Even though I had taken good care of it, four years had passed, and it had grown worn and faded. The stitching along the edges was even starting to come loose. I pressed along the seam, and a slip of paper slid out and fell to the floor. I picked it up, and once I could make out the handwriting, the last of my defenses crumbled. My chest tightened so painfully I could barely breathe. There was no way I could pretend it did not matter. Ever since Kristen and I had gotten together, I had told myself every single day that if I treated her well enough, she would come around someday. I never expected her to give me much love in return, but that did not mean she could hurt me however she pleased. For five years, that charm had been what kept me going in this relationship. I had once believed it was proof that Kristen loved me. Now, it just seemed ridiculous. The charm had never been mine to begin with, because the note tucked inside had Lance's name and date of birth written on it. For so long, I had lied to myself and refused to admit I had never truly had Kristen's heart. Now, I was tired. I no longer wanted to be a supporting character in someone else's love story.