The Consort Who Walked Away

I went to the Emperor myself and secured a decree making the princess's beloved young man her royal consort. The whole princess's residence was stunned. They'd all expected me to kick up a fuss and refuse to let him become her consort. The princess herself was delighted and bewildered. "How did you convince His Majesty?" It was a fair question. What she couldn't buy with all her military glory and the fortune she'd amassed, how had I managed to get? By asking to end our marriage, of course, and volunteering to serve as the Crown Prince's envoy to the Norvik clans. I'll spend the rest of my life protecting the peace and prosperity of the Aurelian Empire. And I'll leave Helena Clarence forever. Chapter 1 After Helena Clarence came back from petitioning the Emperor, she went straight to the west wing where Lucian was staying. She didn't come out until evening, and even then, she only glanced toward my wing in passing. Whenever I'd tried to find some way to keep her with me a little longer, she'd always make an excuse to leave. Even on the days she stayed home, she never spent more than a couple of hours with me. I'd made scenes. I'd argued. But she always told me to be sensible. She said she'd already married me, so I ought to be more generous, and that I shouldn't pry into her affairs. So I learned to be generous. I learned to give in. And she brought another man home. She was even carrying his child. So that was what "being sensible" had meant all along: paving the way for another man. Late that night, I blew out the candle and got ready for bed. Then came a soft knock at the door. Three long, two short. Helena's usual knock. I pulled on a robe and got up. To my surprise, Helena was standing at my door, her face clouded with worry. Seeing the look on her face now, and remembering the young man sobbing at dinner, I knew her petition hadn't gone well. The Ashfords had served the crown with distinction for generations, our name untarnished for just as long. Neither the Emperor nor anyone at court would ever approve of her tossing aside her husband to marry someone else on a whim. And now she'd come to plead for that man, to ask me to let him stay. When she'd brought him and the child in her womb home, everyone in the princess's residence had expected me to make a scene and bar them from the door. After all, I'd once been a man who couldn't tolerate the smallest slight. I'd have defied even an imperial order without a second thought. But this time, I was the one who'd gone to the palace and secured the decree for her. Helena stood at my door for a long time. When she finally spoke, her voice was hoarse. "Julian, Lucian and this child are my..." Before she could finish, I invited her in and handed her the decree allowing her to take a new royal consort. "Give him a proper place at your side. "A child shouldn't grow up without a father." Seeing how calm I was, Helena looked stunned. I went on. "Your military honors were earned over years on the battlefield. You paid for them with your life. "And your private fortune took years to build. Don't waste either of them on something this small." I smiled as if I understood perfectly. Helena went still, then asked in surprise, "How did you convince His Majesty?" A fair question. What she couldn't buy with all her military glory and a fortune that could fill a city, how had I managed to get? By asking to end our marriage, of course, and volunteering to serve as the Crown Prince's envoy to the Norvik clans. I'd spend the rest of my life protecting the peace of the Aurelian Empire, and I'd leave Helena forever. All that stood between us now was a separation agreement bearing her seal. That night, Helena offered to stay in my room to make it up to me. I refused. The next morning, she couldn't wait to ask me to hand over management of the household. I agreed. But as she leafed through the ledgers and contracts page by page, she frowned. "Are there really this many ledgers and contracts?" I nodded. "If Your Highness doesn't believe me, you're welcome to go through them from the beginning. The old steward handed them all to me." I knew Helena had never liked books, not even as a child. Chapter 2 Only swords and sparring had ever interested her, and ledgers gave her headaches. She wouldn't read them closely, let alone notice the separation agreement I'd secretly drafted and tucked at the bottom of the stack. As long as she stamped it with her royal seal and sent it to the palace, we'd be free to go our separate ways and each find our own happiness. I stood quietly off to the side, folding fan in hand, not the least bit nervous. "If Your Highness finds all this too much, I could take some of it off Master Lucian's hands." Helena would never agree. I knew she was afraid Lucian would be bullied, so she wanted to give him the best of everything. Sure enough, her expression stiffened. Without even looking, she stamped her royal seal on the documents one by one. "Julian, I'd like to let you keep running the household, but you've worked far too hard these past few years. "The physician said you need to rest. We may still have a chance to have a child." A child. How touching. She was already carrying another man's baby. Why would she care about ours? I put away the separation agreement bearing her seal and went to the palace. Less than an hour later, the Emperor's chamberlain came out. "His Majesty has approved the separation. The decree will be issued in a month. You may go home." I blinked, almost stunned by how smoothly it had gone. As I was leaving, the chamberlain called me back, his kind voice tinged with sympathy. "There's something... I think you should know. "The court physician examined the calming tea you brought last time. It contains a poison that leaves a man unable to father children. "It has no color and no taste, and it can only be found in the bitter cold lands of the northwest. "A man who takes it long enough will never be able to have children..." He spoke softly, but my mind went blank. Poison? A poison found only in the frozen northwest? Helena had blended that calming tea for me herself. I'd been drinking it for three years. Three whole years, and I'd spent every one of them under everyone's contempt. The whole capital knew the princess had no children because of her husband. I'd gone from physician to physician through a storm of mockery, trampling my pride as a man into the dirt. And it was Helena who'd told me it didn't matter, that all she wanted was the two of us for the rest of our lives, that she didn't care whether we had children or not, and that having me was enough. My heart shattered into pieces. So this was what her vows had been worth. So this was the woman I'd loved for five years. Back at the princess's residence, I realized I'd missed one of the ledgers. Not wanting to cause any more trouble, I took it straight to the study. The moment I walked in, I saw letters scattered across the desk. "Missing you, I burn like a candle, my heart melting as I weep." "Though we have no wings to fly to each other, our hearts beat as one." ... Every line was full of a lover's sweetness. I gave them a cold glance and turned to go. As I turned, I accidentally knocked the letter box off the desk. Three years of marriage. One thousand, eight hundred and twenty-five letters. They'd been carrying on behind my back every single day, even on our wedding night. "Just the two of us, for the rest of our lives." As I murmured the line Helena always used to say, I understood. This marriage she'd spent three years pretending to cherish had been nothing but a mirage. Thankfully, there was only one month left until the Emperor granted the separation. And the day Helena was set to marry Lucian would be that very same day. Twenty days remained until the Emperor's decree. Helena came home later and later. A maid told me Helena had been bringing Lucian to every gathering she could, whether it was a poetry salon at the Royal Tutor's estate or the christening of the earl's youngest son. She'd even found ways to show Lucian off at the palace spring banquet, where men from outside the royal family weren't allowed. I knew it was the fastest way for Lucian to work his way into the capital's high society. Chapter 3 She was just doing it at the cost of my dignity. Which noble couple in the capital didn't attend banquets together? And which wife paraded a man with no standing around town for everyone to see? That day, as usual, I went to pay my respects to Helena's mother, Lady Beatrice. The moment I walked in, I saw Lucian clinging to Helena's arm, looking very pleased with himself. Helena sat beside him, her eyes full of a tenderness I'd never seen before. The moment Lady Beatrice saw me, her face darkened. Her tone was cutting. "You still have the nerve to show your face here? You've been married to Helena for five years, and you still haven't given her a child. You won't even let her take a paramour. "If Helena hadn't met Lucian and gotten pregnant, you'd have ruined the royal family's dignity!" I froze mid-bow and looked up at Helena, but she only turned her face away awkwardly. She had no intention of speaking up for me. It wasn't the first time Lady Beatrice had given me a hard time about children, but it was the first time Helena hadn't defended me. Yet she was the one who'd drugged my tea so we could never have children. And she was the one who'd refused to take a paramour, putting on a show of how devoted she was to me. I stood in silence for a long moment, and soon I felt nothing at all, neither sorrow nor joy. "Forgive me, Lady Beatrice." Lucian spoke up with feigned concern. "Oh, come on, Aunt Beatrice, don't be angry. Even if Julian can't have children, you shouldn't get so worked up." Only now did I learn that Lucian was Helena's distant cousin. The two had been childhood sweethearts in the army camps. Later, as Helena's military honors piled up, she rose from a minor noble title to a higher one. Then she married me, the son of a duke, and only then was she raised to princess. Her mother's rank rose with her. When the late Emperor died, Helena was the only senior princess still in the capital. So the current Emperor granted her the title Grand Princess of Lyria. And once she married me, Lucian had no choice but to leave her. So she'd never loved me at all. I lowered my eyes to hide the bitterness in them and sat alone in the seat farthest from them. Before long, a maid brought in several plates of pastries. I was about to try one when Helena spoke up furiously. "Who made the almond pastries? Take them out and give them twenty lashes!" My hand stopped mid-reach, and I looked at her without thinking. In our three years of marriage, the thing Helena was best known for was petitioning the Emperor in front of everyone at a palace banquet to have every almond dish removed, because I was allergic to almonds. That made her every man in the capital's idea of the perfect wife. I was about to ask her to spare the servant when I heard her say, "All of you, remember this. Master Lucian can't eat anything with almonds in it. "If I catch any of you forgetting again, don't expect any mercy." Just two sentences, and all my pride shattered. By now, I knew Helena had never loved me. I knew she'd tricked me into asking the Emperor to let her marry Lucian. I knew she was already taking back every bit of favor she'd ever shown me. But I still couldn't help telling myself that after five years of knowing each other and three years of marriage, she must feel at least a little something for me, even just a little. But even that last bit of affection had been fake. Ten days remained until the Emperor's decree. His Majesty invited the noble families to the palace to admire the flowers. Helena had the carriage waiting at the door early. Without thinking, I reached for her hand. She pulled away. "Not in broad daylight. It isn't proper." I stared at her. I'd only been helping her into the carriage. Two years ago, I'd had too much to drink at a palace banquet and refused to get in the carriage. It was Helena who'd held me up and walked me all the way home from the palace. Chapter 4 Under the maids' puzzled stares, Helena looked a little uncomfortable. I gave a thin smile and climbed into the carriage alone. "Julian, you're so slow." Inside, an elegantly dressed Lucian smiled and greeted me. Now I understood why Helena had pulled away. I lowered my eyes and let out a scoff. Once I understood, it didn't hurt anymore. On the way, I kept my eyes on the scenery outside the window and refused to spare either of them a glance. But for some reason, whenever I happened to look back, I always met Helena's dark, unreadable eyes. I had no interest in intruding on their little world, anyway. The peonies were lovely, and the banquet went smoothly. Aside from the sons of the noble houses sizing me up, sneering, and occasionally throwing a pitying look my way, it all seemed perfect. Lucian was finally presented to the Emperor, but it didn't go well. His Majesty's face went cold, and he confronted Helena on the spot. "I invited the noble and scholarly houses today. You bring a disreputable man like this here? Are you trying to make a fool of me?" Helena immediately pulled the terrified Lucian down to kneel with her. "Your Majesty, Lucian isn't a disreputable man. He's my husband." The Emperor gave a cold laugh. "Your husband? Don't forget, the man who stood at the altar with you is Julian. "As for this one, you know perfectly well what he is!" Red-faced, Helena apologized and led Lucian out in disgrace. After the banquet, His Majesty gave me many gifts. Part consolation, part sympathy. Back at the princess's residence, I decided to give Lucian half of them. After all, the separation was only days away, and I didn't want any more trouble. I stopped the servant who was about to announce me and raised my hand to knock. But then I heard Lucian inside, crying. "Helena, didn't you say you'd marry me? Why does everyone keep saying you're Julian's wife?" Helena sighed and comforted him gently. "No matter what people outside say, here in this residence, you'll always be my husband." Lucian went on, "And Julian? You've been married to him for three years. Did you ever love him?" I held my breath. My hand clenched without my realizing it. Helena was silent for a moment. Then she said, "Lucian, I love you. Only you. "Back then, I only agreed to marry him for my mother's rank and mine. "My mother came from a humble family, and my own rank never rose. It was the only option I had. "Don't be upset. Even after I started drugging him, I never let him touch me. "If I hadn't done it, how could I have become Grand Princess of Lyria in just three years?" My hand, frozen in midair, dropped limply. My fan struck the door knocker with a sharp crack. "Who's out there?" Helena pushed the door open, and her eyes met my red-rimmed ones. "J... Julian..." Helena was stammering. I forced out an ugly smile. "Your Highness, His Majesty gave me some gifts. "I left them in the main hall. Let Lucian choose first." With that, I turned and left. If I stayed even one more second, I wouldn't be able to hold back what I was feeling. Even after I'd left the wing, I could still feel Helena's frantic, burning gaze on my back. I clenched my jaw, my eyes red. Helena, you disgust me. You utterly disgust me. For all these years, I'd regretted how impulsive I'd been back then. I'd thought I'd forced her into marrying me. I never imagined she could be this low and this vile. Five days remained until the separation. A drunk Helena pushed open the door to my room. I sat up and quickly pulled the blanket over myself. I was only in my nightclothes. Chapter 5 "Who said you could come in?" The flush on Helena's face drained away instantly, and she snapped, "You're my husband, and I'm your lawful wife. Why can't I come in?" Ignoring her, I called a maid in. "Her Highness is drunk. Help her back to the main wing." Helena pushed the maid away and sat down on the couch. "Who said I was going back to the main wing?" I nodded as if I understood and said, "Then take Her Highness to Master Lucian's rooms." Helena, whose eyes had already drifted shut, shot to her feet and glared at me furiously. "Julian, have you lost your mind? You'd send me to another man's bed? "Do you even think of me as your wife anymore?" Remembering what I'd overheard that day, I gave a thin smile. "And you? Have you ever thought of me as your husband?" Helena froze, and her tone softened. "Julian, I know you're unhappy that I'm marrying Lucian. "But you can still stay by my side. "And I... I just... I just want to give you a child." I laughed coldly, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Give me a child? Lucian must be a lucky charm, then. "Thanks to him, even I, the man who could never give Your Highness children, have suddenly sprung back to life." Hearing me mock her and expose the poisoning, Helena froze for a moment and reached out as if to take hold of me. "Julian, I..." Before she could finish, a maid called out from the doorway. "Your Highness! Master Lucian isn't feeling well. He's asking for you." Helena drew her hand back and stood there in silence. "Go." I let down the bed curtain, shutting her out. Helena didn't move. She just stood there quietly, looking at me for a long time. The voice outside kept calling, and in the end, Helena turned and left. Over the next few days, I had my personal maid put all my private property in order. Since we were separating, I didn't want to take anything from the princess's residence, and I wasn't going to let her take advantage of me in the slightest either. On the day of their wedding, I changed into the clothes I'd worn before I was married. But Helena walked into my room in her wedding gown. She was the bride, yet for some reason she looked wistful. "I'm about to marry Lucian. Don't you have anything you want to say to me?" I nodded. Of course I did. "I wish you both every happiness, and many long years together." Helena's eyes dimmed. After a long silence, she said, "I'll treat you better from now on." I didn't say a word. I stood up, brushed past her, and walked out. It was time to greet the guests. Helena, I've never needed love handed out as charity. Six hours remained until the Emperor's decree. White roses and silk garlands hung everywhere in the residence. In the capital, that was a custom reserved for a first marriage. Four hours remained. I stood in the main hall, smiling as the guests looked me up and down. Two hours remained. Helena waited with a dark expression for Lucian to arrive for the wedding. One hour remained. Helena stepped out of the carriage in her bridal veil. Hand in hand with Lucian, she walked into the great hall surrounded by guests, and the two of them stood before the altar. As she passed me, Helena paused, a look in her eyes I couldn't read and didn't want to. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..." "Do you, Helena, take this man..." "If anyone here objects..." "By order of the Emperor!" A group of imperial guards burst into the great hall, escorting the Emperor's chamberlain in his court robes.