I Lost, but I Also Won

Being naturally competitive, I must take first place in any game. So, when someone on the yacht suggests playing the no-looking-back game, everyone laughs and says I'm sure to win. The rule is that I stay where I am and can't turn around. If I do, I lose. My girlfriend, Selena Hodge, and good friend, Ivan Motley, stand behind me. Meanwhile, my older brother, Mack Carson, is in charge of finding a way to trick me into looking back. Not long after the game starts, Mack suddenly shouts, "Chuck, Selena is holding Ivan's hand!" When Mack sees that I don't even bat an eye, he says with a smile, "You're really not going to look back? Those two are already hugging." I remain unmoving. That is, until Mack says drily, "Chuck, they're kissing." Even though I know it's a trick to make me turn around, I still do it anyway. Ivan's head is bowed, while Selena's face is tilted upward. The two of them are indeed kissing. My mind goes blank, and I walk over to pull the two apart. Ivan's face instantly goes pale, and Selena too falls silent for a long time. In the end, it's Mack who finally speaks up. "Chuck, the two of them must have just acted on impulse. Besides, we all thought you'd never look back for the sake of winning. Who'd have guessed you actually did?" Only then does Ivan speak. "Chuck, I'm not going to lie to you—Selena spent four years chasing me. We just don't want to look back on our four years in college with regret." I have always known that Selena spent four years chasing a guy in college. During those four years, I watch her get drunk over that guy and comfort her as she curses him for having no taste. However, I never know that guy is Ivan. Yet, everyone knows. Only I am always the one kept in the dark. Chapter 1 The deck was so quiet that only the sound of the waves remained. Under my gaze, Selena Hodge still said nothing. In fact, it was Ivan Motley who spoke first. "Chuck, I'm sorry. I did like Selena before." I smiled and asked, "Then, why didn't you get together with her?" "We weren't a good match. You know as well as I do what kind of family the Hodges are and what kind of family mine is." Mack Carson spoke up to defend him, "At the time, Ivan felt he wasn't good enough for Selena. So, even though she pursued him for four years, he never agreed." As my older brother, he had always known about Ivan's existence. When Selena was at her craziest pursuing Ivan, Mack had helped her book out a racetrack and even pulled strings to invite Ivan's favorite car racer. Only I hadn't taken part in this massive pursuit. I swept my eyes over Mack, Selena, and Ivan. "Is watching me guess like a fool for four years fun?" Under the oppressive pressure, Mack opened his mouth but didn't dare to speak either. I turned to look at Selena and asked, "Tell me, is it fun?" Selena finally replied, "Chuck, after we got together, nothing happened between Ivan and me. Besides, with such a huge gap in our family backgrounds, it's impossible for us to be together. "We only kissed out of a momentary impulse. Do you really have to make a scene until everyone is left embarrassed?" Mack also nodded, then unconsciously stood in a row with Selena and Ivan. I used to think the four of us had a very good relationship. But now the three of them stood together, and I was the only one on the opposite side. Footsteps came from behind. My parents and Selena's parents had all come down from the second floor. The yacht belonged to the Hodge family. On this trip out to sea, apart from the staff, there were only our two families. My mom, Leanne Griffith, saw that my expression was off and quickly walked over. "Chuck, what's wrong?" "Selena just kissed Ivan." Mom's expression froze, and I waited for her to blow up. However, she only turned her head to look at my dad, Karl Carson. "Mom, don't tell me you all knew too?" I asked, abruptly taking a step back. "Chuck, don't get worked up just yet. Actually, when Selena was in college, she came to us and asked me a few times what guys like." When Mom saw that I looked upset, she patted me on the shoulder. "Later, when we saw how well you and Ivan got along, bringing it up would only make things awkward for all of you. Anyway, didn't Selena end up with you after graduation? So, why don't you just let it go?" "Our two families have known each other for so many years, and we've always had business dealings together," Dad said bluntly. "You and Selena grew up together too, so don't nitpick over such a small thing." Seeing that I didn't speak, Selena's mother, Edna Hartman, also came over. "Chuck, marriage isn't just two people in love, but two families coming together." Selena's father, Victor Hodge, also frowned and said earnestly, "It's not strange for Selena to have someone she couldn't forget when she was younger. Once you two are married, she'll naturally settle down. Besides, families like yours can't survive on love alone anyway." I said nothing more and turned to walk into the cabin. After entering, I locked the door. And no matter how they knocked outside, I didn't respond. But after a while, the knocking stopped. Half an hour later, Mack's voice came from outside the door, "Selena, are you really not going to check on Chuck?" Then came Selena's voice, "No. He's been like this since he was little—he has to win at everything. He lost the game and suddenly found out about the past in a span of a day. He's just processing it." Chapter 2 I picked up my phone and opened my chat with Selena. It had been pinned for two years, and next to her profile picture was the note I had given her. "Selena." I stared for a few seconds, then deleted the note. After that, I opened the chat history. There was too much of it. "It's gotten colder. Put on a jacket. Don't catch a cold." "Babe, if you have an upset stomach, don't drink anything cold." "Babe, I'll come pick you up after my meeting. Want me to go with you to get your hair cut?" I deleted all of it. Then, I opened my photo album and saw the picture taken last year when I had a high fever. That night at 3:00 am, I was burning up with a fever and barely lucid. Selena drove me to the hospital, and when I woke up, she was slumped over the edge of my hospital bed. In the photo, Selena was asleep, one hand still holding my wrist. At the time, I posted it on Instagram with the caption, "Someone said she'd protect me for a lifetime." She commented below, "I meant it." I kept scrolling down. There was our first trip, our first kiss, and the first time we adopted the puppy "Beanie". I deleted them one by one. By the time I deleted the last one, the screen suddenly became a little blurry. I raised my hand to wipe my eyes, only then realizing the back of my hand was wet. If all of this had been fake, I wouldn't have felt this bad. However, I knew that during those times, Selena had truly been good to me. But as I cried, I suddenly noticed many things I had never paid attention to before. For a while, Selena was always looking at job recruitment websites. "When did your company start hiring for brand operations?" I asked. "I'm just looking into it for a friend," she replied. Later, Ivan got into a company that was thriving. But oddly enough, from then on, Selena had to go there on business trips every so often. I even teased her about it. "Since when did Hodge Group start working with such companies?" Now that I thought about it, it was because Ivan was there. A while after that, he got promoted very quickly and landed several projects that others would kill to get their hands on. Moreover, he always liked to ask about me and Selena. He even asked, "Chuck, would you mind if there was someone Selena could never get over?" At the time, I actually replied with a smile, "Of course! If she ever dared to emotionally cheat on me, I'd immediately break up with her and never look back." The phone slipped from my palm onto the bed. Suddenly, those words felt so ironic. "Never look back", huh? Yet, I had looked back today, only to find that all of them had been lying to me. And there was Mack, too. These past two years he always had all kinds of gatherings. "Chuck, I've invited a few business partners tonight. Selena's coming too to lend support. You don't need to come. It's just a bunch of people talking business—nothing interesting." I never liked that kind of socializing anyway, so I had never thought much about it. I would even say with a smile, "Alright, you guys take your time. I'll just head back and play some games." But now that I thought about it, how many times had Ivan actually appeared in those gatherings that I found boring and never attended even once? Suddenly, I didn't dare keep thinking. The room was too stuffy, and I couldn't sleep. So, I threw on a jacket and went out. However, as soon as I reached the aft deck, I heard Ivan's voice. "Tell me the truth, have you really let go?" The sea breeze blew over. I stood in the shadows, unmoving. "No." One word, yet it felt like I had been viciously stabbed. "Me neither." The two of them gazed out at the sea. After a long time, Selena finally spoke, "Ivan, you're going to have a good life. Before I marry him, I'll make sure you're taken care of. I'll introduce you to a woman from our circle with good prospects so you'll be happy afterward." I gripped the railing tightly. Ivan's voice dropped even lower. "You shouldn't have introduced me to Chuck in the first place. If we'd never met, things wouldn't have turned out like this today." But Selena said, "If you hadn't known him, how would you have gotten into this circle? Chuck treated you as a friend, so he was willing to bring you into his clique. "It's just that I didn't expect him to look back today. But don't worry—even without Chuck, you still have me. I'll take you to all the dinners and cocktail parties from now on. Once you've got a solid footing, I can finally relax." I stood there, past the point of crying, and just let out a bitter smile. Ivan becoming my friend was no accident. I was the one who brought him into the fold, took him to parties, and introduced him to my friends. And Selena just used me to slowly ease him into our circle. I couldn't bear to listen anymore. I went back to the room and called my good friend, Ambrose Dorsey. He was vacationing on a nearby island and had asked me yesterday whether I wanted to join him. At the time, I'd replied, "No, thanks. I'm going out to sea with Selena and the others." The call connected. "Chuck, you should be sleeping. Why are you calling in the middle of the night?" "Ambrose, can you come pick me up?" He paused for a few seconds. "Aren't you with Selena?" "I'm going to break up with her, so I don't want to hang out with them anymore." Another few seconds of pause, and he replied, "Send me your location. I'll come tomorrow. Wait for me." Chapter 3 When I woke up the next day, I had a fever of 102°F. Mom came to call me for breakfast. The moment she touched my forehead, her expression changed. "Why are you burning up?" There was a doctor on board the yacht. He took my temperature, checked my throat, and gave me medicine. "You probably caught a chill last night. Get more rest." Dad poured me a cup of warm water. "Did you hear that? Just stay in bed." I nodded, then took the medicine and went back to sleep. When I woke up again, the room felt terribly stuffy. Moreover, my throat felt like I'd swallowed a razor blade. I put on a mask and went out for some air. As soon as I reached the corridor, I saw Mack coming down from upstairs with a gift bag in hand. And beside my parents were two wrapped boxes. Even Mr. and Mrs. Hodge were having people carry gifts onto the deck. I was stunned for a few seconds before I remembered that it was Ivan's birthday today. Actually, I had prepared a gift too—a vintage wristwatch. Last month, when I had Ivan come with me to pick out a gift for Selena, he had stared at the vintage wristwatch through the shop window for a long time. Thus, I made a mental note that he liked it. I went back to the room and opened my suitcase. The gift box was tucked under my clothes. I took it out and looked at it for a long time before shoving it back in. I didn't want to give it anymore. Just as I zipped the suitcase shut, footsteps came from outside. Selena came over from the other end of the corridor, holding a tin of canned peaches. I suddenly stopped in my tracks. The yacht had everything—imported fruit, desserts, snacks, and even a chef specially brought by the Hodge family. The only thing no one would have thought to prepare was the most ordinary supermarket canned peaches. Therefore, the moment I saw it, I knew Selena had bought it before getting on the yacht. When I was little, I'd lose my appetite whenever I had a fever. I wouldn't eat gruel nor drink soup. In fact, the only thing I could get down was a few bites of canned peaches. Selena used to tease me when we were kids, "Other people drink soup when they have a fever, yet you insist on eating something sweet." Later on, whenever I got sick, she'd buy canned peaches without me even having to say anything. My heart had already gone cold last night. But when I saw that tin of canned peaches, it actually softened pathetically for a moment. So, Selena had been worried I might get sick even before setting out to sea. She saw me too. "Why did you come out? Didn't the doctor tell you to stay in bed?" "It's stuffy inside." My throat hurt, so I spoke very softly. "Don't stay outside too long, and take your medicine on time." After saying that, she carried the things downstairs. However, she didn't give me the canned peaches. At noon, my throat hurt so much that I couldn't even swallow water. I lay in bed staring at my chat with Serena. After hesitating for a long time, I was just about to ask her where she had put the canned peaches when the birthday song suddenly started outside. "Happy birthday to you—" I walked to the door and saw a table full of things laid out downstairs. Ivan was sitting in the middle, and everyone was there. Moreover, the tin of canned peaches I'd thought was for me was placed right in front of him. Ivan's eyes were red. "You still remember?" Selena sat beside him. "Didn't you say back in college that since your family wasn't well off when you were little, your mom would buy you a tin of canned peaches every year on your birthday? Later on, you had everything, but somehow, it never tasted the same as it used to." It turned out this tin of canned peaches was never meant for me in the first place. Next, everyone started giving their gifts. Mack gave Ivan a camera. Mrs. Hodge pushed a gift box over and said, "You'll have more formal occasions from now on. This will be useful to you." Mom also handed him her gift. "I heard your latest project has been going really well. What a capable young man!" Dad said with a smile. Mr. Hodge also nodded. "The only thing holding him back is his humble beginnings. Otherwise, who knows how far he could go?" They'd gathered around Ivan, all of them smiling. Meanwhile, I stood at the top of the stairs in a mask, like a superfluous person. Mom was the first to notice me. "Chuck, why did you come out again? Don't come down. It's Ivan's birthday today—don't go passing your cold on to him." I turned and went back to the room. Ambrose had sent a message. "I'm already on my way. One more hour until I arrive." One more hour, and I would leave. Chapter 4 I spread my suitcase open on the floor and stuffed things into it one by one. All the things Selena had given me that I had brought on board were thrown into the trash. I also shoved the vintage wristwatch I'd originally prepared for Ivan into my own suitcase. He didn't deserve to have it, after all. By the time I wheeled my suitcase out, the birthday party was still in full swing. Ivan's gifts were piled up in front of him, and Selena was there with him as he cut the cake. When they saw me wheeling my suitcase out, everyone froze. Selena was the first to frown. "What are you doing?" "Ambrose is coming to pick me up. I'm not staying here." Mom was stunned. "Isn't he vacationing on a nearby island?" Dad also frowned. "You're still running a fever. What are you doing running around like this?" "I can still see a doctor over there even if I'm sick." With that, I kept heading for the door. Selena stepped right in front of me. "Chuck, I already explained what happened yesterday." I smiled and asked, "Then, why did you say you've never gotten over him last night? You also said that before marrying me, you needed to see him settled first before you could relax." Selena's voice suddenly sharpened. "You eavesdropped on us?" "Yeah, and I heard plenty." I looked at Ivan. "Like why you became my friend." His face slowly turned pale. "Selena said if you hadn't known me, how would you have gotten into this circle?" I continued. "Because I treated you as a friend, I was willing to bring you to gatherings and introduce my friends to you. "But even without me, she'll still keep bringing you to dinners and cocktail parties." I suddenly laughed. "It turns out I've been quite useful all these years." "Chuck!" Selena finally panicked. "I just wanted to help him." Mack also hurried over. "Chuck, Selena was just afraid you'd feel uncomfortable if you found out. Besides, Ivan really did make it this far on his own. Selena just gave him a little push along the way—that's all." I looked at him. "You helped quite a lot too, didn't you?" He immediately shut up. Sensing things were getting tense, Mom came over to pull me away. "Chuck, that's enough. Everything's out in the open now. You're not well—go back to your room and rest." I pulled my hand back. Dad's expression slowly darkened. "What are you making a scene for? Ivan's capable and just lacked opportunities. There's nothing wrong with everyone giving him a hand. You, on the other hand, never wanted for anything growing up. So, there's no need to nitpick over things like this." Mrs. Hodge also let out a sigh. "Chuck, Selena helping Ivan is just her way of putting those old feelings to rest for good. Once Ivan gets married, you two will naturally settle into a good life together." I shook my head. "But I don't want to live my life with her anymore." I turned to Selena. "Let's break up." Her expression finally changed. "Chuck, you're running a fever right now. Why won't we wait until you calm down, and then we'll talk about it?" "I am calm. We're over." With that, I dragged my suitcase around her. Just then, a crew member quickly walked over. "Ms. Hodge, a yacht nearby contacted us. They say they're here to pick up Mr. Carson." Everyone looked toward the sea at the same time. Not far away, a yacht was approaching. More than ten minutes later, Ambrose came up. When he saw my face, the first thing he said was, "Holy crap, you're burning up that bad?" With that, he reached out and felt my forehead. "You're this hot and still standing around here?" Mom was about to explain, but Ambrose had already taken my suitcase. "Let's go first." Selena was standing behind me, trying to pull me back. I wrenched myself free. Ambrose glanced back at her and said nothing. Instead, he reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. "Can you walk?" "Yup." "Then, let's go." I followed him onto the yacht. Behind me, people were still calling my name. But I didn't respond. Slowly, the Hodge family's yacht grew farther and farther away behind me.