When I Finally Chose Myself

Ever since I was little, Mom and Dad have insisted that I take my younger sister, Carolyn Layton, everywhere with me so she can see more of the world. At first, my boyfriend, Jared Gentry, and my best friend, Melissa Miller, are on my side. They know how much I hate being forced to bring Carolyn along, so they never give her the time of day. Then, during my senior year of college, we go to a high school reunion. When a server tries to hand Carolyn an iced drink, Jared stops him. "Not for her. She doesn't do iced drinks when she's on her period." Melissa smiles, moves over to sit beside Carolyn, and puts the party hat she made for Carolyn on her head. Jared is on one side of Carolyn, Melissa on the other. I stand off to the side, and suddenly, it hits me that something has changed. Carolyn isn't the one they treat like she's invisible anymore. I am. Chapter 1 I was still frozen in place when the door burst open. "Happy birthday!" Streamers sprayed across my face, and Jared Gentry was the first to step forward. He had a necklace in his hand. Smiling, he fastened it around my younger sister Carolyn Layton's neck. It was the necklace I'd been asking him for as an anniversary gift for three whole months. Every time I brought it up, he frowned and said it was too flashy and wouldn't look good on me. "Happy birthday, Carolyn. Here's to many more birthdays like this one." Jared looked down at her and smoothed her hair into place. My best friend, Melissa Miller, squeezed in beside them with a smile and pulled out the limited-edition lipstick I'd mentioned over and over. "Happy birthday, Carolyn! Most people can't pull off this shade, but it's perfect on you." She pressed the lipstick into Carolyn's hand and affectionately ruffled her hair. The birthday song began, and more than a dozen people gathered around Carolyn, clapping along. I stood at the edge of the crowd, digging my nails into my palm. As soon as the lights came on, Jared noticed me and frowned. "Scarlett, it's Carolyn's birthday. Did you get her anything?" I didn't answer. I just looked straight at him. "You picked today because of Carolyn?" We were supposed to be on our summer trip right now. I'd spent two weeks planning it and even taken time off from my internship. But three days ago, Jared told me something had come up at school. Then he scheduled the reunion for today. "Oh, come on." Melissa hooked her arm through mine. "Scarlett, she's your own sister. Are you seriously jealous? It's her birthday. Cheer up." But yesterday was my birthday too. Growing up, Mom and Dad always said our birthdays were only a day apart, so it was easier to celebrate them together. So every year, we lit the candles and cut the cake on Carolyn's birthday. My own birthday was always treated like an afterthought. That was why I never celebrated my birthday. I never wanted to. "You guys keep eating. I'm heading out." I grabbed my bag and pushed the door open. The hallway was quiet, and no one followed me. I didn't realize until I reached the elevator that I'd grabbed Carolyn's house keys by mistake. I turned around and headed back. As I neared the room, I heard Melissa's voice from inside. "What's gotten into Scarlett? She's never been this petty before." Carolyn spoke softly, sounding a little tentative. "Do you think Scarlett found out I was planning to tell Jared I like him?" The room went dead silent. After a long silence, Melissa gave a strained laugh. "Oh, don't be silly. There's no way Scarlett knows. I've been keeping tabs on her almost every day lately. I timed it perfectly. "As soon as she failed the qualifying exam for that government job, I told you to go tell Jared how you felt. She was crying her eyes out back then. She wasn't paying attention to anything else." A month ago, after I failed the exam, Melissa had seemed so worried about me. She called me every day. "Cheering you up is what I do best!" I'd been so touched that sometimes I barely even noticed Jared beside me. So the close friendship I thought Melissa and I had was really just her way of keeping me distracted. She'd been making sure I never noticed that Carolyn had been secretly keeping in touch with Jared all along. Melissa went on in a breezy tone. "Besides, anyone can see that you and Jared are a better match. Scarlett's too steady and rational. Do you know how many times Jared's told me he just doesn't feel that spark with her? "She's too sensible. She never gives him anything to worry about. After a while, that gets boring." She paused, and my heart sank at what she said next. "Right, Jared?" Chapter 2 Jared's voice carried through the door, sometimes clear and sometimes faint. "Does it really matter if there's no spark? We've been together this long. I'm used to her by now." I heard a bitter little laugh. "Carolyn, you're still young. You don't have to spend all your time thinking about me. You're amazing. Plenty of people are going to like you." By the end, his voice had gone slightly hoarse, almost as if he was reluctant to let her go. I didn't stay to hear any more. I pulled out my phone and booked a flight. Then I opened my chat with my department head and sent a reply. "I'll take the five-year overseas assignment. Once I get my diploma in three days, I'll leave right away." When I got home, I opened my laptop to look for an apartment overseas. That was when I realized I was logged into Jared's account. Right there on the screen was a booking for a trip for two to Pavrelle the following week. It was the trip we were supposed to take together. Two months earlier, Jared had wrapped an arm around my shoulders and lowered his voice like he was sharing a secret. "I've got our graduation trip covered, and I've planned a huge surprise for you." I'd laughed and punched him lightly in the chest, then immediately started wondering what it was. A ring? A proposal? Then one night, after he'd had too much to drink, he held me close and mumbled, "Scarlett, someday I'm going to marry you at Averelle Tower." I told him he was drunk and talking nonsense, but secretly, I'd smiled about it for days. And now, I found out he'd booked that trip for himself and Carolyn, even paying extra to upgrade their room to a luxury couples suite. A note on the reservation read, "One last trip while Carolyn's still single. I want her to be the happiest person in the world." On the last day, Jared had booked a visit to the observation deck at Averelle Tower. Another note read, "A bridal veil for Carolyn, so she can see what it feels like to be a bride and have a beautiful memory to look back on." I stared at Jared's plans until my eyes burned, but not a single tear fell. Then I noticed the photo of us on the nightstand. I'd only been a freshman in high school when it was taken. Back then, Mom and Dad insisted that I bring Carolyn along everywhere I went. They said I was her older sister, so it was my responsibility to show her more of the world. I didn't want to, but no one cared what I wanted. Jared was the only one who ever stood up for me. The day we took that photo, Carolyn grinned and tried to squeeze into the shot. Jared immediately held out an arm to stop her. "This is a picture of Scarlett and me. Stay out of this one." Then he turned back to me and wrapped an arm tightly around my shoulders, his eyes full of concern. Back then, I'd thought he was the only person in the world who was truly on my side. But now, I was the one being pushed out. I took a deep breath and moved my flight up to that day. Then I yanked open a drawer, grabbed a couple of things to wear, stuffed them into my bag, and left. By the time I got to the airport, it was already dark. I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. Jared and Melissa were probably still with Carolyn, celebrating her birthday. "Scarlett!" Jared suddenly called out from behind me. He jogged over, looking more rattled than I'd ever seen him. "Good thing I checked your itinerary. Why did you leave without saying anything?" I looked up at him, my voice flat. "So I wouldn't get in the way of your trip to Pavrelle." I paused, then actually smiled. "Jared, if you really have feelings for Carolyn, I won't stand in your way." What was the point of dragging this out and making things difficult for everyone? Jared stared at me, as if he hadn't expected me to give up on us so easily. A few seconds later, he suddenly slapped himself hard across the face. "Scarlett, I was wrong. I lost my head. I wasn't thinking straight. Carolyn's young. I never should've let her take things this far." He grabbed my wrist, his words coming out in a rush. "If you don't want me to go to Pavrelle with her, I won't. Okay? I'll go with you instead. We can leave right now! No, we'll go somewhere even better. I'll go wherever you want!" Jared's words came faster and faster, his lips trembling. When I still didn't respond, he grabbed my suitcase. "Scarlett, we can't leave things like this. Just give me one chance. Just one. You're the only person I want for the rest of my life." The heat was brutal, and sweat beaded across his forehead. I rubbed my fingers together, my chest aching. Should I give him one more chance? Before I knew it, Jared had pulled me back home with him. I was still trying to process what was happening when I saw Carolyn standing beside the coffee table. Her hair was a mess, her eyes red and swollen, and she was clutching a razor blade. "Jared! You don't want me anymore?" Chapter 3 Dad sprang up from the couch, his face flushed with anger. "What kind of sister are you? Look what you've done to Carolyn! She's depressed because of you! He's just a guy. Why can't you let her have him? Why do you always have to compete with her over everything?" I took a step forward, about to tell him that Jared had made his own choice. But Carolyn cut me off before I could speak, her voice soft. "Jared, don't listen to Mom and Dad. I don't blame you. I really don't." She lowered her head, tears falling onto the back of her hand. "What happened between us last week was something I wanted too." The room went dead silent. I turned sharply to Jared. His face had gone pale. His lips moved, but he couldn't get a single word out. My mind snapped back to the week before. I'd been stranded at the subway station in a downpour and called Jared dozens of times, but he never picked up. In the end, rescue workers had to get me home. I ran a high fever for three straight days. When I finally woke up, Jared looked completely out of it, with dark circles under his eyes. I'd thought he was worried about me. I'd even been stupid enough to reassure him that I was fine. But now I knew. He'd been with Carolyn that day. Mom shrieked and rushed at me, shoving me by the shoulders. "Jared, you need to do right by Carolyn! Scarlett, just let him go! Carolyn always lets you have your way. Can't you let her have this one thing?" In the struggle, my suitcase tipped over and slammed into my shin. The sharp edge of one wheel sliced my ankle. Blood welled up instantly, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Mom shoved me so hard that I stumbled and fell to the floor. Jared instinctively took a step toward me, but then he caught sight of the razor blade in Carolyn's hand. He flinched and immediately turned toward her. "Carolyn!" But there was only a faint red mark on her arm. Dad rushed over and slapped me across the face. "Are you trying to get Carolyn killed?" A burning pain shot through my cheek and made my eyes sting. Still on the floor, I watched everyone scramble to help Carolyn up and hurry her out. Blood had already run down my ankle and into my shoe. I sat there in a daze, still trying to process what had happened when someone knocked on the front door. Melissa poked her head inside. The moment she saw my ankle, she sucked in a sharp breath. "How did you get hurt this badly?" She crouched beside me and treated the wound with practiced ease, leaning down every so often to blow gently on it. She used to do the same thing whenever Mom and Dad thought I wasn't letting Carolyn have her way. They never held back when they took a belt to me. Afterward, Melissa would crouch in front of me just like this and carefully tend to my injuries. The next time she saw Carolyn, her eyes were cold as ice. "Stay away from Scarlett! If I catch you playing the victim again, you'll have me to deal with." Back then, she'd held my hand tightly, her palm warm against mine. Now, as she looked down, I found myself staring at her lashes, and my nose started to sting. Melissa got to her feet, poured me a glass of water, and held it out. I reached for it, but she spoke before I could take it. "Scarlett, you should let him go." Chapter 4 My hand stopped halfway to the glass. "So this is why you came? To tell me to back off so Jared and Carolyn can be together?" Melissa frowned, clearly annoyed, and set the glass down hard on the coffee table. "Scarlett, you're smart enough to understand this. You're not as considerate or easygoing as Carolyn, and everyone can see it. Jared's been with you for years. Can't you tell whether he's happy? "Think about it. Who would want to spend the rest of their life with someone like you?" I stared at her as if she were a stranger. Just then, Melissa's phone rang. Jared's voice came through, cold as ice. "Put Scarlett on." I took the phone, but before I could say anything, he cut me off. "Scarlett, I already said I'd stay with you. Why can't you leave Carolyn alone? "Someone reported her for academic misconduct this morning, and the evidence came from your email account. You know what that could mean for her! Her graduation could be delayed. She might not even get her degree!" I opened my mouth, completely confused. What was he even talking about? I didn't even know what Carolyn was majoring in! Jared kept going. "You need to clear this up right now, admit you were wrong, and say you acted on impulse. Otherwise, as student council president, I'll formally accuse you of bullying another student. You know what the consequences will be." I clenched the phone, my nails digging into my palm. Jared had always been proud of being student council president. Last semester, when the school showed a movie, I asked him for two tickets. He turned me down without hesitation, saying he couldn't use his position for personal favors. But now, when it came to Carolyn, he didn't even care if it looked like favoritism. Melissa's expression slowly hardened. "Scarlett, how could you do something like this? Carolyn is your own sister!" Her eyes landed on the glass picture frame on the coffee table, with a photo of the three of us inside. She grabbed it and smashed it against the floor. Glass shattered everywhere, and a few shards flew up and cut my face. Blood ran down my cheek, but by then, I couldn't even feel the pain. "Scarlett, you disgust me. If I could choose, I'd rather never have met you. I'd rather Carolyn had been my best friend from the start!" I looked down at my phone and realized I was already getting torn apart online. My screen was flooded with people calling me jealous and accusing me of trying to destroy Carolyn's future. Someone had even dug up my class schedule, my dorm room number, and my ID number. A long silence stretched between us. Melissa looked from the broken glass scattered across the floor to the cuts on my face. When she finally spoke, her voice softened. "There's still a way to fix this." She looked at me with pity. "Leave Jared. Let Carolyn have him. If you do that, I can find a way to make all of this go away." Her words shattered everything our friendship had once meant to me. "Okay." I gave a small smile and braced myself against the couch as I got to my feet. Pain shot through my ankle, but I felt numb inside. "Goodbye." "Scarlett!" Melissa called after me, clearly not expecting me to agree so easily. I didn't look back. I grabbed my suitcase and slowly made my way out, then took a cab to the airport. As the plane began to taxi, I rested my head against the window. The engines roared, and I knew it was all over.